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Broken Chains

Missing image

Broken Chains

No footprint left upon my heart,
nor piercing arrow, nor cupid’s dart.
No lover claims my soul by theft,
upon my heart, no footprint left.

I live within myself alone
and only reap what I have sown.
I keep my feelings on the shelf,
alone I live within myself.

Within my castle tower safe,
a thickened skin that will not chafe.
Untarnished as a winsome flower,
safe within my castle tower.

Walls will rise and walls will fall,
I never wanted this at all.
My loveless life was a disguise,
Walls will fall and walls will rise.

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Modified Swap Quatrain
Art Work: artist unknown

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 20 of 20

  • Mairi bheag gold member
    May 14, 2008
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    oops... forgot the bunnies.... no I didn't, I commented below.


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    May 14, 2008
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    Congratulations on the gold, Sis.


  • amaranthine lover gold member
    May 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You really carved intricately into the picture, thank you for sharing such a wonderful piece with me my friend!

  • ecrivain01
    May 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Not bad ...

    it appears that this was written with the picture as a prompt? Anyway, it works well as written.


  • HaleyMary
    May 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This was beautiful, Amera. Wonderful flow and powerful emotion expressed. I especially liked the ending. It made me think of a person holding themselves back in life from love for maybe a fear of love or of not being accepted. Thanks for sharing your talent and keep that pen flowing.


  • NeonRose
    May 8, 2008
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    Oh, I love this write! Rhyme, and form, and flow..all exquisite! Bravo!


  • Auburn Sunrise gold member
    May 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful.
    As always, you wrote exquisitely within the constraints of your chosen form - making fitting the mould seem effortless, as though it were always a part of your plan before you even set pen to paper.
    I love the picture you chose to accompany this write, as it fits so well with the vivid image you have created.
    This genre is right up my alley - and I enjoyed it thorougly.
    I believe as you once told me "you don the cloak of the dark genre - and you wear it well."
    Excellent job (no surprise there) and good luck in the contest (you... need luck? whatever!)


  • JohnnyD gold member
    May 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hey, she is cute! reminds me somewhat of you?

    Can you get her to come run stairs with me at work?

    We only have three flights max but its OK, she can ride on my shoulders and if I break my ankles at the finish line she can have me put down?

    But back to reality for a moment, I really liked this poem as there are at least two gals locally I know who this poem could actually pertain to in most ways.

    many great lines in there, many...but these...I think I like the best for their truth

    My loveless life was a disguise,
    Walls will fall and walls will rise.

    Great write Cubbie, two fresh rabbits for you for breakfast.



    Dad


  • Haunting Whispers
    May 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This was brilliant. I loved it.


  • StarEyes
    May 6, 2008

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    Oh, my goodness Sis! This is amazing!! I think I can relate to many words in this one! Wow!! You never cease to amaze me with your wonderful talent!! Thanks for sharing this one!!

    Best of luck in this contest!!!

    and love

    Nyetta


  • Sue Cardwell gold member
    May 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    An excellent poem with a form I haven't read before, now I will have to read more as I find them interesting and a challenge.

    This is beautiful, all the best in the contest..

    Love
    Sue


  • MaMa-2-be-Cindy
    May 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love that pic..and you take it so many ways with words too

    I enjoyed your words..touchingly sad..no footprint made upon her heart...no love felt

    Aw that would totally suck..
    but it is a great write

    Good luck in the contest darl


    Cin

  • Mairi bheag gold member
    May 6, 2008

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    Well done, Sis! NEVER stick to the exact rules when you can write a BETTER poem by breaking them. The irregularity of the swaps make them work very well.


  • RedAquarius
    May 6, 2008

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    What a neat form! I may try it when I have some time (after finals are done!!) and can sit and create. This flows perfectly (especially when read aloud). Good job, m'dear friend!


  • cricketjeff gold member
    May 6, 2008
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    Brilliantly worked swap phrases, not the usual equivalent clauses in the opposite order but genuine sentences with varied meaning.
    Terrific work.


    • Amera gold member
      May 6, 2008
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      thanks, this is the first time I tried it without an exact mirrored swap and I think I like it.

      • cricketjeff gold member
        May 6, 2008

        Edit | Reply
        It is an infinite improvement to my way of thinking, similar, but different to my using slightly developing refrains. IT adds a sophisticated tease to the poem, read the line and think where is she taking me...
        Usually you know the last line of each stanza and a chunk of the pleasure is gone. It even works re-reading it. Too good.


  • Whispering Wind Moderators member
    May 6, 2008

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    BEAUTIFULLY SAD

    Your words melt my heart and pull the tears from the soul...You have penned a master piece upon your canvas of words. So broken and trapped within the castle of her heart...Winner wrote all over it my beautiful Blue Star


  • PerVirtuous
    May 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is an amazing swap-quatrain! I love how you get multiple meanings out of the swapped phrases. This looks like a gold winner to me! I love it and the picture is almost as pretty as you! The image, of the walls coming down and love conquering all is never overused. Bravo!

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