Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

Humiliation

 He laughed at me as i entered through the solid black doors. It wasn't a large building, deserted and hidden. The man, with his brown red tinted hair and his hypnotizing, perfectly circular, blue green eyes viewed my struggled as a mere difficulty to be giggled at. My mind felt like jell-o as i searched to find myself and wrap my hands around the reality of the events that lay ahead.
The room is dimly lit by the yellow glow of the street light outside of the only window to the surrounding world. The walls were made of old drywall painted a dark shade of maroon that made my stomach feel uneasy. The room gave the feeling of loneliness that soon crept over me. My body now aches from the impact of the cement floor compacting the small vertebrae that form the structure of my spine.
He stood above me now. His hands appeared large and controlling. I lay against the cracked drywall as his hands fumble and shake in his attempt to unzip the dark denim jeans that act as a layer of skin on my already existing flesh. My mouth opens in response to his actions, but i do not know what to do with the gaping hole now in my head. I feel like a child waking from a nightmare. The man breathing the same air as i am was no longer the same man i knew. The excruciating pain from my lower abdomen caused my thought process to come to a halt. My head slowly looked downward as my heartbeat increased in speed. Inside my body was the part of a man i'd never seen. The part of a man i didn't want to see.

 

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • whits end silver member
    May 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Holy shit, if you will! Sorry, this poem was very intense and incredible. Very disturbing, well written and excellent imagery.


  • MrsJones
    May 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Powerful poem, I liked the descriptiveness of it and the feeling within it. I wish that it was in a different format though, just to make it easier to read. It was a very unique write, thanks for entering.

  • powerfully written thanks for entering and i wish you the best of luck. The pain will ease with time though the memory unfortunately lasts forever. It will get easier or at least I hope so for you.


  • Redrusty66
    May 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Nice construction and flow. Interesting use of vocabulary and artistic method. A good paragraph read. You managed to create an engaging atmosphere and allowed ample room for personal interpretation and perspective on the reader's part. Thanks for the great read.


  • RedAquarius
    May 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Some minor issues with punctuation and capitalization but not enough to detract from the obvious pain here. While I agree it's disturbing (as others have noted), I also wonder what caused the person to enter the building of their own will. Id assume they had no idea what lay ahead of them but there is a line in the first paragraph that makes me wonder. Strong.


  • mia.bell
    May 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I agree with Shutter but it is all to true of a relation for many many people sadly! In a way it brought an emotional tear to my eyes. Not physical in the way that I would have been physically disturbed but in the way that I feel hopeless to help the children that experience this day in and day out. Kind of interesting how you bring the torture of the victim and the pleasure of the maniac to the first and last lines. How hes torturing the victim and laughing and she/he is being traumatized. All in all great write!


  • shutter-bug
    May 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this was really disturbing....i kinda wish i hadn't read it...

1 - 7 of 7