i’ll give you something to think about
when you love me like a bronze trophy
(me, on a dirty floor,
you, a sun inside me, in ways you never
understood)
i’ll give you something to think about -
we’re like the soldiers
a month before going back to their family
(100% dry
from bitterness)
homesick, fallen the day before the postman
could tell them, ”it’s alright and she will
wait”
it isn’t the prettiest thing
so you won’t believe when with a swish of hair
(my head has overdosed on hair
only to bring a sun on your face
in ways you could understand)
you won’t believe when with a swish of hair
i change the tone of my voice by one hundred and
eighty degrees, say, ”you mean more
than lilac in bloom, even when the world feels
starved empty inside of me, even though
my fingers now itch from loneliness
and you are one hundred kilograms’ worth of
secret”
life isn’t a fair monopoly game, that’s
what they really mean
in room corners; it has never become okay
to return home safely after dinner
tasted of gunpowder more than one could choke
on, and it has never become okay
to ask back your small words that had brought
the sun into me.
no. a black hole only knows dilating
time (like my pupils), pulling, pulling
until the heart ceases to be red, but i must
stand straight and
thank you.
Author notes
May 5, 2008
To Sean.
In a list
A contest entry
- :INVITE ONLY: {{Because you wowed me...}} by PerfectImperfection.
900 points, ended February 25, 6 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
-
I love this... Amazing use of descriptives for the emotion coursing throughout these lines. Great imagery and pained depth to heart ... A very well composed piece, unique in thought and beauty. Nicely done! Thank you for your entry!
-
nice!
i like the way you concrete-ize the abstract (one hundred and eighty degree change in voice-tone, one hundred kilograms worth of secret). the parentheticals help to give it a sense of rhythm and balance. i think you could've gotten away with not repeating the "you won't believe...swish of hair" phrase; i feel like it broke up that flow unnecessarily.
thanks for your comments!
-
Interesting how you related a love relationship with someone to being in the military! Hence the title. Clever symbolism!
-
wish i could write the way you do. (^.^)
-
the emotion in this tugs...a heartfelt write.
-
a lot to think about.
-
This is a departure from your "usual style," although you work so well in so many different styles -- and always the talent shows through.
Thanks for another great one and good luck on the contest.
Garrison
-
Creative yes! Understandable - depends on what you mean. I saw it through the eyes of my 20 years in the Army (2 years in combat)... and I could identify with the emotions and feelings you so eloquently expressed. But then, I'm a literal thinker... There are many layers here and I think it will take time for me to get all that's here. From my first take, I find it touching and beautifully heartfet...
Ken
-
-
Wow, thanks so much for the comment! Nice to get the perspective from someone who's been on the other side of this concept... I only know the love stuff
Very glad you liked this.
-
-
I just fixed the typos LOL as I said a long day.
-
I'm really lucky today because every poem I've chosen to read has fitted perfectly to my current mood or situation. I'm feasting on these wonderful poems because tomorrow I have to go back to my real world.Thank you for penning a poem which touched me in a way I can't really share but still it was soul searching and helpful.
H
-
Definitely not cliche. Amazing poetry; wonderful and original imagery
Adding your comment:
1 - 12 of 12
