Still dancing to your old techno songs?
Come on, catch onto the craze
listen to the music about how we're all unloved,
and nostalgia for the old days
(Yeah, I know, we're still so young)
Eleven tenths make me a little too whole,
and I think you can see through the cheeriness,
but that's okay, because Baby,
this is what it comes down to:
Our hearts engraved on rabbit skin purses,
and knowing that there's nothing left
that hasn't been done before-
It's okay though,
Because we'll still make it through.
We'll keep lying to ourselves and claiming
that the silver in our hair is just dye.
(I know the truth though,
and that's all that matters)
Author notes
I'm not livin' a lie while you swim in denial
'Cause you're already dead and gone
You leave me out on the curb just like everyone else before you.
-My World, Sick Puppies
techno
rabbit
tenth
engraved
silver
nostalgia
unloved
Title.
No piccy this time =(
I'm just so tired of living in this lie, in making false masks so this is my testimony. You can swim in denial if you like, but we all know what's going on.
A contest entry
- Dark poetry: Picture/title/lyrics/word bank options by notorious.
450 points, ended May 8, 2008, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Be harsh, be specific.
Comments
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What do you know, it's a poem written by Danneh.
The entire first stanza is amusing and witty, just like most of your poems.
"Eleven tenths make me a little too whole,'
Fractions into the mix--nice.
"rabbit skin purses"
LoL!
Nice incorporation of the word 'rabbit'.
Suggestions:
(Yea, I know, we're still so young)
I know 'Yea' is usually pronounced the same way as 'Yeah', but being an anal retentive, I cannot abide a 'Yea' without an 'h'. Please add an 'h' to the end of this word? Thanks.
"this is what it comes down to."
Instead of a period at the end of the stanza, I think you should use : at the end of the stanza because the next stanza is basically 'what it comes down to', isn't it? Just an idea.
Thanks for entering at my request.
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Fixed both
I personally love your contests, I think I'd enter them either way. I get in funks where I don't know what to write, and all I have to do is find a contest of yours. You have everything a writer could want for inspiration in them.
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