Something I Can Never Have

The words played in the background,
As tears rolled down my face;
The piano playing so hauntingly,
Yet it gave me an escape.

"You make it all go away,
You make it all go away;
You make it all go away,
You make it all go away"

**** **** **** ****

You were the one who taught me,
About love and life and hope;
You were my idol,
You taught me I could cope.

My earliest memory,
Starts with you;
Making me laugh,
As we played at the zoo.

You told me it was ok,
To let myself be me;
'Cos if I ever did fall down,
You'd put a plaster on my knee.

You promised to protect me,
And shelter me from harm;
You promised I'd be safe with you,
I was you're lucky charm.

You did so much for me,
As I started to grow up;
All I needed was my father's love,
And protection from any hurt.

What did I do to change things?
What did I do to make you mad?
What did I do to make you want,
To rip out my precious heart?

I've always tried so hard,
To make you proud of me;
To always do my best,
The best that I could be.

Maybe my best just wasn't enough,
As you began to change to me;
You were no longer my father,
And I was no longer me.

Why did you change that day?
Beyond all recognition;
As you started out to cause me hurt,
Hellbent on your new sick mission.

**** **** **** ****

As I lay on my bed now,
And listen to the words;
Lost in the world of music,
Beautiful like birds.

I listen to those words,
Over and over again;
They make me wish you were still that man,
Who could make everything go away.

I want you to make it,
All go away;
I wish you could make it,
All go away.

I wish for something now,
That I can never have;
To have my father back,
My father, the way he was.

You have changed me,
From someone so happy;
Into someone grey,
It's been you and what you've done, thats made me go this way.

All I wanted was you to be proud of me,
To love me for who I am;
To love me for being your daughter,
To protect me from any harm.

Why did it all change,
To what it is now;
To a place where I hate you,
Why Dad, and How?

No longer do I run,
To greet you at the door;
Now I stay hidden,
'Cos I can't take it any more.

**** **** **** ****

As you call up to me,
Hiding in my room;
You interrupt my music,
Because 'you' want to resume.

My head tries to ignore you,
Hoping you'll go away;
My heart beats so hard it hurts,
As I turn from pink to grey.

Everywhere I look now,
You are all I see;
Just a fading reminder,
Of who I used to be.

**** **** **** ****

Pain tearing through me,
This is all too much;
When will it be over,
I've really had enough.

I feel the blade against me,
As he invades me deep within;
His power slowly crippling me,
Should i just give in?

The smell of his sweat,
His stench from within;
Suffocate me,
I want to give in.

I wish he would kill me,
Than leave me to live;
In constant uncertainty,
Of his next fix.

He is my father,
This is not real love;
He has screwed and twisted images,
With each forbidden touch.

As he rips inside of me,
I push against the blade;
Its cutting at my neck now,
I feel it start to graze.

As soon as it is over,
As he collapses on the floor;
His face of sordid pleasure,
Will be forever more.

His poison inside me,
Deep into my bone;
Shattering every part of me,
Silencing my tone.

I take my opportunity,
And reach down for the blade;
And with no hesitation,
I plunge it to my core.

**** **** **** ****

You make it all go away,
You make it all go away;
You made it all go away,
You made it all go away.

I just want something,
I just want something I can never have.