A breath of pain reveals; perception's brightness shows
uncleaned huge shapes of earth; no caring trade, no trees.
Traditions lost their aim; they hide a bad disease
as nature's children cry; yet beauty's blood still glows.
Cold knowledge cuts in two, and nature's mimic blows
new wounds in earthly flesh; the mushroom clouds new keys,
four winds, to feed man's soul; now stolen gems will please
and wholeness lost its touch; the rains of dusk compose.
But deep beyond clear thoughts; the planet's fury speaks.
Her angry voice splits space; to share her words she seeks:
"My skin was shining green; a pleasure living on.
My beauty lost to greed; some people never bent
upon my holy ground; how shall my dreams now dawn?
No doubt my strange design; who can resist my scent?"
Author notes
A French sonnet.
Rhyme-scheme: a/b/b/a - a/b/b/a - c/c - d/e/d/e
Lines are in French alexandrines, except line 5 which is an English one.
An alexandrine is a twelve syllable line of iambic hexameter.
Homework for the sonnet-class by mamad.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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a good piece, i like the french sonnet, i have doen a few myself, one thing i would suggest if you are open to it? is maybe not repeat words in the piece, nature's then nature's again in the seoond verse, and earth / earthly? i tend to try and avoid such repeats in poems unless it is a long poem then it doesn't really matter
but in a 14 line piece, sonnet, i think it stands out
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Thank you for your comment, and of course I'm open to any suggestion to improve my poetry I try to advoid repetition of words, unless it's a figure of speech
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Hey Nev ~
Such a lovely F. Sonnet....rhyme scheme is spot-on.....and your Flow is fabulous on metered lines of 12.....which I advise to place in your Authors' Notes for other Poets who are not familiar with this Form ~
I would not repeat *natures* if at all possible....makes me go backwards in thought, and I want to go forward :)
Your Theme is superb....the couplet is fantastic....and each quatrain is wisely penned with so much depth and lasting impression....nice job!
Bringing personification into a write like this is brilliant.......I felt as though I was with you in spirit as you penned this lovely Sonnet......the best to you in your class.....absolutely breath-taking!
Your efforts are well-noted ~
:)
God bless you Nev,
Bear ~
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Thank you ~Bear for your superbe comment! yeah, I saw it later, the repetition of the word "nature", also the word "beauty" by the way...Your words are highly appreciated! May the Spirit bless you also,
Nevel
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This is breathtaking ~
Thank you for sharing.
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Thank you
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wow this is really good bro
i love you
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oh the imagery in this write is sheer wonderful! lovely poem nevel... wonderful sonnet
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Thank you
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