Father -
you are the light.
there, sun rises from beneath; and the soul
of she who loves and forgives
lives to its fullest.
The singing seeps into bone,
just like you step yourself into your song.
Room lit,
shadows still
I grow from your light.
Father.
Author notes
Lief vir jou, dad! Happy birthday.
(Uhmm, I think you're beautiful, lol.)
http://allpoetry.com/Grm
A contest entry
- A Bowl of Beautiful by Randomly Beautiful.
600 points, ended May 13, 2008, 9 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please give some honest and constructive criticism -
Comments
1 - 31 of 31
-
Awww.. did I miss this the first time around? Or am I just flakey and I forgot reading it? (we'll find out when I try to applaud..)
This is beautiful, Nami. A wonderful dedication.
-
There is a moment very well spoken - instills the readers thoughts.
Lovely write, Namita.
Keep sharing your gift
HENSLEY
-
i've seen better from you. still, well done.
-
excellent
-
-
Thanks Heath
-
-
well shut my mouth and call me poppa!
such a lovely and sweet gift, Nami
all my girls have made this birthday the bestest ever!
thank you, sweetling
-
-
-
Aw, beautiful! Nami you are so sweet!
Love and peace always,
mj.
-
-
Thank you!
-
-
a bowl of beautiful, yes
-
-
Thank you, Al.
-
-
Lovely piece! It is at once, hushed/prayerful and exuberant. Such a nice duplicity! Geo
-
-
Thanks Geo..
-
-
-
-
-
Such beauty such grace and such love...
Becky
-
-
Thank you, Becky!
-
-
Whoa!
"The singing seeps into the bone"
I think it would be better without the 'the'. More flowy and settles better with context. The 'the' emphasizes one bone specifically, without it, the messages is more profound and connective to anyone out there who thinks like this.
As always, this ois profound in it's own right of beauty, love the imagery and especially the repetition of the first verse in reverse at the end.
PS. I'm bak!
-
-
Yaaaay! The prodigy is BACK!!!!!! How've you been?
-
-
lol. yayyyy!!!
i been arrite, just had my exams over and am free...
so happy. now i can finally write till the summer ends, non-stop!! -
-
That's great..! My exams got over a month ago... so I have just one more month
I knowww!! Holidays are awesome!
-
-
-
-
dad
????
anyway *jealous look* THIS IS LOVELY!!!!
-
-
Well, he hasn't accepted the add request, I mean "dad" request yet, lol. I think I just adopted myself.
lol.
-
-
You have written the description for the contest in such a bright light, no one could help but see the glow. So beautifully done. Love, C
-
-
Your comment "light" up my face..! Thank you
-
-
Ah sweet girl, you light up mine every time I read one of your poems, so it is I that thank you Love, C
-
-
-
Aaawh.... now you've made my eyes all soft and misty with this one, Namita. I can read the light, the admiration, the adoration for your dad here - and it's so very beautiful.
And hey.... some Afrikaans in the author's notes Is this for whom i think it is???
You are just amazing, girl. We all stand and bask in your light too. WOW!
~ Nicolette
-
-
well, if you're mom... then the Afrikaans is for mommy's Guy.
-
-
you are beautifull - totally!!!
-
-
-
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 31 of 31
