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Rigid conformity

Prey thee,

tell me why

your heart beats in shallow demise.

Nakedly;

casting us  away,

no mercy, honor, or wine.

 


 

 

Author notes

Contest prompt: 20 words no "bullshit imagery" were his
words, and no cliche poetry, because that's not poetry,
and this is your first contest? oh my!
you are going to feast on this sight, if you are able
to overcome.......yourself..
not to worry...we all do....eventually!
welcome to your first contest!

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 6 of 6
  • Nice Work!

    This piece makes one think! I do think however that in the first line you meant "pray" not "prey" although I guess with a stretch of the imagination one could see that application of the word! Glad you won a bronze for this!


  • Poetic Tasha Moderators member
    May 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    complain about length? that must be what you use for your longer writes? cuz i would never this is wonderful and short and sweet how i love em.

    best of luck sweet sis you did this wonderfully
    Im going to IM you a suggestion

    Luv ya
    Tasha


  • layla.
    May 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i agree with islekine


  • islekine gold member
    May 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Ahhhh yes...

    hehehe....
    I absolutely love your poem...but your AN are Killer!
    From one comma queen to another...
    Write on!
    *PEACE*


  • divebar
    May 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    21 words

    *pray thee
    and its not really clear why you chose to start it off like that in the first place.

    last two lines were comma-ridden. it couldve been cleaned up a little.


  • Blooming Poet
    May 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Okay. poem is great. I think your author notes are quite true. I was thinking that too.

1 - 6 of 6