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bhuda









corpulent pigeon sits saintlike
on the black iron rail

of a fire escape, unconcerned

with the pacing cat
trapped behind window screens

undulates grey mottled feathers
and resets its rested wings

as two dogs debate the value
of a meatless bone
in failing light of sunday
on the crowded street below

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 26 of 26
  • x26ss
    February 20

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    another great effort, you really never leave me with any openings for critisism. I just must wonder when the book will come out. I'm becoming a big fan of yours. Keep writing!
    x

  • DonutNinja
    July 5, 2008

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    good job

    this poem is very poetic, as is all that ive read of yours, though I must admit im still curiou as to the theme, ar rather how it plays out in the poem.Good job.its enteraining

    Donutninja


  • Saffron gold member
    June 11, 2008

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    First, belated congratulations on your gold, and my apologies for not reading this sooner...I really like the imagery you have here, and I know you are so very apt at describing things succinctly. I loved this and the imagery and you're pretty damned good at this kind of stuff.

    Saffron


  • B2oH
    May 26, 2008

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    Congratuations!!! I think Liza chose most wisely.

    This is a superb frozen tableu of existence...captured in the breath of being.


  • Sprite silver member
    May 25, 2008

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    Quite a well put poem. Very interesting to read, thought-provoking and now I am really curious about who you are! Congratulations ~ Joyce


  • Thoughts-of-Soloman
    May 25, 2008

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    Central to whole 'moment', for me, is the line:
    'and resets its rested wings'
    Such a simple observation we have all made at times, being brought as a beautifully apt archetype for the spirit of an action, or lack of it, which is largely the very best we can return to in most often times.

    I much admire the whole richness of description and it being in so few words.
    Congratulations to you,

    Sol


  • CaliOkie silver member
    May 25, 2008

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    Excellent. So very vivid! Well deserved gold. Your images are "hyper real" and make a lasting impression.

    Great use of minute detail to address larger issues like futility and frustration -- and the futility of frustration. All the "usual suspects" are playing out their assigned roles each with their own limited view of the cosmos. You put the reader in the position of some "uber observer" and I find myself asking, who watches the watchers?" I like the "it is what it is" message. Extremely thought provoking. Each time I read it I pull back another layer and see something new. That takes quite a bit of skill and yours is on display here. Great.

    Garrison


  • ArtFullyMe gold member
    May 24, 2008

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    This is like picking up a novel in small words. And it's not so much in what is said but in the words used to say it.
    A sense of unease in that pigeon, in what it symbolizes .. how it cannot be changed from what it is. The iron of its foundation,

    the ineffectual cat, caught inside false jungles, and the way all of it seems minute, yet stands for so much more.

    It's the actions, the detail of the descriptions, the familiarity of the sight, in cities, in towns in almost anywhere one can find pigeons ... sky hawks as they're known here (just to interject something less serious ... lol) and cats that make this.. accessible and universal as what it is..

    yet even with that broad view it's clearly the portrait of a moment witnessed by one self



    Excellent..

    thank you




  • NoIQ gold member
    May 6, 2008

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    Isn't a "corpulate pigeon" called "squab" by the French, and served up as a delicacy? If that's the case, the cat with its design on dinner at least deserves the compliment of having better taste than Purina Cat Chow, and should be commended for its intentions.

    It is tempting for me to wonder if a "meatless bone" could be its own pun, for two salty dogs would certainly debate the merits of a bone that included no meat. My guess is they would come out on the side of the conclusion that any bone is better than none at all.

    Seriously -- Outstanding imagery of the city, as always Al.


  • Jersene gold member
    May 6, 2008

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    excellent poetry...I love the imagery and use of metaphor...you've said so much with with a few images.


  • Emerald13
    May 6, 2008

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    hmmm so are you the pigeon the cat , a dog or the crowd ? ... i can so see a saintlike pigeon (the bird!) ... and i love corpulent, unconcerned, undulates ...

    as always, i love the poetry of your poetry - its so tangible ... the topping for me, is the 'value of a meatless bone in failing light' .. priceless ! ... >> Gina


  • mantis180
    May 6, 2008
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    This is beautiful, AJ.... I love it.


  • HaleyMary
    May 6, 2008

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    Beautiful write. Very descriptive imagery in this piece. Wonderful use of metaphors in this piece, as well. The parts of the pigeon and the cat reminds me of an incident about a couple years ago when my cat saw a sparrow and somehow managed to get it into his mouth and he had a harness on at the time. Anyway, great write and best of luck in the contest.

  • tara wilson gold member
    May 6, 2008

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    excellent imagery. an interesting self portrait..
    I like how you weaved existentialism throughout the piece. very much just 'being' here, perfect title....


    and happy belated birthday, Al!


  • IronIcecream
    May 5, 2008

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    futile looks like a desolate street
    a torrid afternoon
    when the garbage men are on strike


  • Namita
    May 5, 2008

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    I love this. I dunno, but I really did like the adjectives galore. Metaphorically deep and profound. And awesome.

    (Now, when's your b'day? )

    - namita

  • B2oH
    May 5, 2008
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    Film noire...I think.

    Monochrome in the full depth of black&whites -- a snapshot of life played out above the surging streets below.

    Dramatic imagery...near photographic in the detail...and damned poetic. Existentialistic...indeed.


  • Allyce May gold member
    May 5, 2008

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    Wow. Such a simple scene that you have made so poetic here.

    I loved: "as two dogs debate the value
    of a meatless bone"

    Cracking poetry, Al - you are so very gifted. There are few who can make poetry from the seemingly mundane, everyday occurances of life.


  • Suzanne Dia
    May 5, 2008

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    Metaphorically brilliant, really. This is the type of poem that many may take at face value, as the images here are so real, we can all see them on any given day..

    What I love ..is the view from the window, just a glimpse, but enough to let us see a bit, you know?

    Ok, so open the window and air it out now



  • Rowan gold member
    May 5, 2008
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    Excellent use of language, and device. Loved this.


  • Nicolette gold member
    May 5, 2008

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    This is wonderful, Al...

    great poetry!

    ~ Nicolette


  • divebar
    May 5, 2008
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    lightningbug pointed me your way. this is very well written. such distinct imagery.


  • layla.
    May 5, 2008

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    you always inspire me. thanks. i needed a push to write a piece. and i was not sure whether to stick to the spiritual grounds of things. well there are just so many ways to look at beings around you, right? good luck you deserve a shiny.


  • Heart Sutra
    May 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    very cool and straightforward...better than 'any fool'

1 - 26 of 26