Commitment by kiwigirljacks at All poetry

Beige beginnings breathed dully

upon our untrusting hearts

Feathered hopes left unspoken,

in fear of forgotten wonder

Yet pale glow blew love's embers,

stroking sorrow into times past

We stand sacred now in silence,

leaving hesitation behind...

Embracing concrete commitment

Author notes

Prompt: Pic, 40 words
Artist: "By a white apple of the moon" by ~LonelyPierot (deviantart.com)

In a list

1. Gold • next in list

A contest entry

Paying It Forward.... {{Image Inspired}} by PerfectImperfection. 650 points, ended May 9, 2008, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest

Comments

1 - 34 of 34

By me, right now

Adding your comment:
Valley Girl
May 9, 2008

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Wow hun! Great take on the prompt! I love your last line "Embracing concrete commitment". It is so refreshing. Congratulations on the Gold!
crazymomma
May 9, 2008

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"concrete committment"... this says so much. I love it all but these 2 words really stood out to me. Once again, great poem!
babygirl13
May 6, 2008
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This is really good! You got talent keep on writing!! i love it!!
Unsigned
May 6, 2008

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wonderful picture and stunning images you painted...

Stunning my Twin

You really are so talented

Unsigned
~
Ravensdark
May 5, 2008

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Superb imagery.....tis quite a poigant and meaningful poem...I can't really articulate how it makes me feel except maybe a little lonely..
- kiwigirljacks
  May 5, 2008
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  Me too Dark Lord!
Heath Thompson
May 5, 2008
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nice words Jacks!
Mark McNulty
May 5, 2008

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Nice job on this. Your chosen language hooked me right away with such great pairings: "untrusting hearts" and "feathered hopes". Awesome stuff. Then the alliteration in the last line was a very nice touch. A good write for sure, and I wish you luck in the contest.
KayJay
May 5, 2008

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I've run out of superlatives You never cease to amaze me... Simply put: Beautiful like the gentle spirit that created it...
Ken
secberm
May 5, 2008

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Once again, amaze with your words. Like these lines:

"Yet pale glow blew love's embers,
stroking sorrow into times past"

Write on poetess and good luck. One.

Dez
Carolina Moon
May 5, 2008

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Wow
You have taken this pic to a whole new dimension of brilliance!! Your talent truly shines. I think I smell gold on this one

Linda
Poetic Tasha
May 5, 2008

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this is so soft and beautifully written
best of luck

Tasha
depressedangelchick
May 5, 2008
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cool
PerVirtuous
May 5, 2008
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Commitment? Where have I heard that word before.... three happy bunnies!
liduen
May 5, 2008

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Wonderful imagery, wonderful flow, wonderful title, wonderful picture, wonderful last line, wonderful poem!
buffsab99
May 5, 2008

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Amazing
Such a beautiful write. I cannot beleive how much imagry you have captured in just 40 words. Best of luck in this contest
Swangrnv
May 5, 2008
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very nice
alot imagery conjured up in this write.I LIKE IT!
good in the contest my friend!
LadyDementia
May 5, 2008

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Wow, all this from that picture! You do it so much justice, I got zip! 40 words of sheer beauty, a really stunning piece hunni...good luck
MaMa-2-be-Cindy
May 5, 2008

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Oh I swear t god, this is another gold lol

Wow darl..I could never get those words from the pic..lol..Your brilliant and beautifully poetic talent shining as always
stavykm
May 5, 2008

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EXCELLENT
This is a golden if you ask me. The imagery with the emotions on this poem is just excellent. The picture then just 40 words you amaze me my sweet sister!!!
Love ya
Kelle
PerfectImperfection
May 5, 2008

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This is such a great take on the image prompt! Very well penned! Thank you for your entry & Best wishes in the contest!
MotorcycleFreak
May 4, 2008

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Hmmmm
I detect your comments about your religion in this one as an underlying possibly subconcious motivation for this piece. But, that could be just me. Great Write. ~Gar
Angelflower
May 4, 2008

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wow sissy..
this was really good! you did a wonderful take on the prompt.. but then again you always do best of luck..

Jetleena
notorious
May 4, 2008

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Sounds like a Gold winner to me!!
"Beige beginnings"
Love the alliteration-esque thing going on here.

"Feathered hopes"
Pretty phrasing...

Love the last line as well. Perfect.
poeticweaver
May 4, 2008

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I Love This!
Your talented pen has created another captivating piece within few well worded lines. I enjoyed this very much. Thanks for sharing here, and all the best to ya in the contest.

Peace, Timothy aka poeticweaver~ x
Spiritual Poet
May 4, 2008

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awwwwwwwww
My friend, what a haunting sorrowful piece. I feel longing, regrets, sorrows all rolled up in this. Great job my friend, Mark
- kiwigirljacks
  May 4, 2008
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  Oh yes.. this does kinda sound sorrowful doesn't it, though I was going for a happy ending lol
MJ Donnelly
May 4, 2008
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Awww... beautiful.
Bob Fox
May 4, 2008

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Jackie
It seems your poems are getting deeper and deeper. Searching, I would think, for a release and a tender touch to warm that gentle heart of yours
my.stars.dont.shine
May 4, 2008

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Beige beginnings breathed dully
upon our untrusting hearts
Feathered hopes left unspoken,
in fear of forgotten wonder

that is indeed my favorite part. =]
this was a wonderful write.
it kind of makes me sad though.
haha, weird!
good luck!
Cerulean Sunrise
May 4, 2008
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Oh to make a permanent flame...

I like this.