Mistaken for truth
within a dream
without boundaries.
Nothing in its place
Everything's under control
Couldn't have been more wrong.
My life
a card house,
the bottom caving in.
Dream coming true,
revealing a nightmare.
Author notes
Option 3- Song
Cardhouse Dreamer- This Providence
A contest entry
- A Whole Lot Of Options by reckless abandon.
450 points, ended May 9, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
"My life
a card house,
the bottom caving in. "
That is definately the best part of the poem. I got the thoughts that were put into this and you've done it well. THanks for entering. -
The first 2 lines are good...
"with no boundaries"
"With no" could and should be "without". If you can utilize less words, you should.
"Nothing in it's place"
it's=it is
Should be 'its'. You knew that...
"card house"
This one doesn't really matter...but 'cardhouse' COULD be one word...but it doesn't matter for this one.
"Dream coming true,
revealing a nightmare."
Could be reversed and rephrased....
e.g. "Nightmares revealed in the truth of a dream"
Or something...
Adding your comment:
