Looking in the mirror she asks
"Is there anything left in me,
when every ounce of energy has been drained?"
Such misleading calculations
have left her to discover her own worth,
which doesn't add up to much in the end.
Glancing about her-
She's on a mission to search and destroy
all evidence that she had ever existed;
because this poison's eating at her very being,
and tomorrow she won't be here.
Author notes
Hello Again, The Lost Prophets.
Word Bank
title.
The girl looked in the mirror to find little left, which I was inspired by " Hello again, why so old? Wasn't your time friend."
the poison that is eating away at her, is her inability to take the blame, to fall for them, so instead she'll just disappear.
A contest entry
- Options contest! by Phlegm.
450 points, ended May 6, 2008, 5 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Be harsh, be specific.
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I am in agreeance with phantasyintrigue-x - I rather like "tired of being tired", but you could substitute something like "Is there anything left in me/
with all vivacity drained?"
Or something to that effect. I actually don't like your substitution for tired with "abuse" - I think that gives the poem a completely different angle and tone, and detracts from the rest of the poem.
That, of course, is just my opinion. Not that I'm a perfect poet!
I like how you responded to the prompt, though. Great job and good luck!
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I read the comments the judge left...and actually, I think "tired of being tired" would be better--repetition is nice in small doses...However, since I'm not the one judging, you probably shouldn't listen to my opinion.
The second stanza is nice--has this whole mathematical metaphor rockin for it.
"Glancing all about her-"
I think you should get rid of the 'all'...is an unnecessary filler word.
poisons=poison's, it should be that.
And of course, you incorporated more than one option, as is traditional for you.
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One option by itself would be boring ^^
Hmm, fixed the last two, But.. I love your opinions... I do like the tired of being tired thing. But, I'm not a judge either =( -sniffles-
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Very interesting entry! The line "tired of being tired" sounds a tad awkward. Another, more interesting, word could be substituted for the second tired. Otherwise, good job, and thanks for entering!
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Actually, that line is purposely done that way, awkward or not, I tend to use it when it fits.. It's off of something written on my binder 'And I'm so sick of being sick and so tired of being tired, but none of this even matters, not even to me.' is the end of it. But I might change it, if I can think of a word.
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