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Of dust and drool

 

 

 

 

 

 

A few days from here -
before I step into a year of difference -
I could drink some ink,
to purge it out
         into a new language.

 

 

Maybe then,
I'd live this second
              (or less)
when something's more
than just a voice
strangled in syllables:

 


Perhaps my mouth
would be able to birth an artwork,

   abstract like a female body;

      aesthetic as in Dali's thoughts.

 

 

That very moment -

   I could pretend to be someone

    who is proud to have a beard,

    without realizing it's only dust

                      caught in drool.

 

   And I'd stop babbling

           into balloons.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

It's almost my birthday.


Pretty self explanatory I think.




If not: I am not a talent.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 34 of 34

  • zochit2me gold member
    July 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Ah yes the getting older syndrome and the passage of time...
    You have some killer metaphor and imagery going on in this.
    Happy be-lated b-day
    WhoooooooHoooooooooooo!!!!!Party!!!!!!!!!!!!

    ☼Becky☼
    ♫♫♫♫♫♫


  • amaranthine lover gold member
    July 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I really do like this a lot.


  • Zixaphir
    June 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Well, there... genuine imagery. Nice indentation and is that a monospaced font? Oh, so fun! And meaning trapped into balloons! By the by, I hate the color yellow.

    Nice work, I'm a lil' impressed.

  • Virgoan
    June 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow! I am enthralled and beautifully stab to death without dying.

    Excellent.

    Keep sharing your gift.




    HENSLEY


  • Nam
    June 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "And maybe then," - I don't feel the use of "And" is necessary in this line.

    A good poem that you have written here.

    -Nam


  • B Chandler
    June 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    (Complimentary) ummm damn lol


    • leander Moderators member
      June 4, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      umm indeed
      I've honestly have no idea at all how this came into your contest This is obviously everything but sensual you should have kicked it lol


  • ladylyric
    May 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I am very confident you will leave your mark on the world, especially with your beautiful way with words. you never cease to amaze me Leander. I still get goosebumps when I read your work!


  • LeanneBridgewater
    May 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    the image

    of Leander hock spit gunning out sick of new words is never far away?

    muchas beautiful write

    it's filled my day and will help me get through this sunny humble day! ooh my bread cob just taste like coffee

    dust.. remember to polish your accent, furniture and life

    i hope you have a very fun fun fun birthday... lots of drink too xxx


  • going nowhere
    May 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    it was self explanatory... happy birthday...

    the title caught my attention right away.
    looking forward to what our future holds can be a scary thing, although exciting too...

    i really like how you wrote this, with some abstractness to it, yet understandable for readers like me. and any use of metaphor is always a plus.





  • LeilaJayne
    May 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Congrats on making it into the finalists list, this means i read on further than the first four lines of your poem. Thanks for entering =] xx


  • Freed by Mercy silver member
    May 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Happy birthday! Poignant piece. We all want to make our mark on the world, to shine for real, if only for 15 minutes. I think the urge to create is part of that. I enjoyed your write.

    PS: i left a balloon in your guestbook. Feel free to babble in it.


  • thelordreigns gold member
    May 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is very powerful and intense. The imagery is impressive. Be blessed this next year and always.

    - joanne -


  • RatherImaginative silver member
    May 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I didn't start feeling my own mortality until just last year, and I began wondering where my mark on the world would be, since I'll likely leave no blood behind me. I like the wistful tone to this piece, and your imagery is intriguing.

  • Kalamina
    May 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very creative poem, i really enjoyed it, each description was very different and original. Great write!


  • warrior-eagle
    May 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I didn't know you could write like this,
    just kidding.
    But either way, this was beyond brilliant,
    this was utterly amazing.
    Wow.
    Astounding.

    ...Simply Me♥


  • Polaja Greeters member
    May 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh my... you have a way of making me want to fall to my knees with the sheer beauty of your writing... the presentation is brilliant, your words leave me speechless (just not quite enough ) I honestly think you could write about anything and it would turn out wonderfully!

    Keep writing

    Polly


  • esroddo silver member
    May 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Wow what a intense and intriguing write.

    A different interpretation of a celebration But very effective and well enjoyed the words of a riddle like write. keep penning LISA


  • grannyeri gold member
    May 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Liked the alliteration in these lines; rambling on about one's birthday is not bad - they come no matter what, we can't stop them. Wishing you a great one this year, whether you are ready or not.


  • quantumsurveyor
    May 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I think your muse (missing?) has surprised you with this sardonic piece. Needs a few reads.


  • Yemassee gold member
    May 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Let me test my powers of esp...I can read minds...your birthday is...wait, I see it...The 10th is your birthday!
    Am I right?

    Aren't we all just babbling, your babble is far better than most, far far better.

    All we can do is enjoy what we do, in all things, we can't worry about our limitations, what does it serve?

    And yes, I don't practice what I preach, I have the same feelings as you state here.

    Inspiration comes and goes, it ebbs and flows in between our ego and feelings of self-worth...just wait for it to resurface,


  • Lady Altheia
    May 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    We all get crazy around out birthdays and what is so wrong about babbling into balloons? It is fun. Thank you for sharing your poem.


  • maggiejamespoet silver member
    May 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Happy almost birthday. Great lines in this piece and really enjoyed reading it!


  • Mari Goes gold member
    May 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    But you are, you are so very verdorie talented!
    When reading poems like this one on your page, I feel that kind of warm feeling inside, and am so proud to have you calling me mommer.
    You don't need to drink any ink now, I think you had it instead of milk when you were a baby.
    I like this one very much, maybe your best in a while.

    Kusjes, mommer

    • leander Moderators member
      May 5, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      lol
      How long is a while? since it's been like over a month since I wrote something
      Thank you mommer, for your beautiful words


  • righteousme
    May 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    amazing... real... inspired me!.... love it and thanks for sharing your work...


  • background music
    May 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Exactly how I feel at the moment... all that I can say to this is that everything I've read of yours has been worth the read, dispite what you may/maynot think about it You seem to have a big fan basis here on this site so that should say something about your talent!


    • leander Moderators member
      May 5, 2008
      Edit | Reply


      Fan basis About ten to fifteen people I guess


  • LadyUnique silver member
    May 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i get so excited when i see a new write from you. i know it's going to be a treat and you haven't disappointed me yet
    do i matter? have i mattered? have i made a difference? does my writing reach anyone? was my life worth living so far?
    those are just a few questions i've asked myself lately and i get a different answer every day

    'drink some ink to purge it out into a new language' and 'babbling into balloons' are my two favorite lines.

    this is just plain sweet


  • Nicolette gold member
    May 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You ARE a TALENT, you have talent and with every new year of life that talent is growing, my dear friend... you just accept that from me (hey... i'm much older than you - and wiser - sometimes, lolol)

    "stop babbling in balloons" - loved that line. Well, if you can write babbling balloons like in this poem, i have the highest of hopes for you!!

    it's a beautiful poem and actually a testimony to your talent that actually exceeds your years, leander.

    an early happy birthday, my friend

    ~ Nicolette

    • leander Moderators member
      May 5, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much for your comment
      I had a moment where I wondered what I have meant to this world yesterday - lol


  • Rianna Bear
    May 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is wonderful!!! i fell in absolute love w/"Perhaps my mouth;
    would be able to birth an artwork"!!!! -brilliant! glad to see something new from ya!!!!

    *rianna

  • Rianna Bear
    May 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    (haven't read it yet but...) it's almost MY birthday!!! may babies rule!!! well, happy early birfday to ya!!

    i gotta b*day contest going...fun for all...

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