It grabs me when I least expect
knows not the meaning of respect,
I'm down and out for many days
it puts my mind into a haze.
To get jobs done can be real tough
the world keeps looking very rough,
depression is the proper phrase
it puts my mind into a haze.
My world is often void of light
I live in darkness of the night,
I cannot see the sunlight's rays
it puts my mind into a haze.
It comes and goes at will you know
and when it goes my days they glow,
then suddenly the world's a maze
it puts my mind into a haze.
I try so hard to see the sun
and often think I have outrun,
but like a mouse that's in a maze
it puts my mind into a haze.
Author notes
KYRIELLE (my first!)
The Kyrielle is a French form written in quatrains. Each quatrain contains a repeated line or phrase as a refrain. It has a meter usually composed of eight syllables per line but it can be varied. There is no limit to the number of stanzas, but three is generally the minumum.
The normal structure is a/a/b/B, c/c/b/B, d/d/b/B. with B being the repeated line.
A varied structure could be a/b/a/B, c/b/c/B, d/b/d/B. etc.
or even a second line that did not rhyme at all. a/e/a/Z etc.
In a list
A contest entry
- Kyrielle - Pain by Little Eagle.
600 points, ended May 27, 2008, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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another form i have in file as well as the kyrielle sonnet one, i haven't posted many of the forms as yet
a good poem here that explores the darker side.
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Very nicely written. I don't like the repetition, though. When the repeated line moves into different lines like in the poem I read just now, I don't dislike it at all, but when it stays in the same place, I dislike it a little bit. I'll tell you what I like a lot, I like when the 'repeated' line changes slightly every time until it means something quite differently in the last line. Reminds me of a song.
I don't remember the lines, but they were like this
'everyone changes for you'
and a few lines later
'everyone changes but you'
I bet you're glad I told you that =]
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I seeee!!!
I think i'd be able to pull this one off no problem,
without your author notes, i wouldn't have the slightest clue, lol
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Outstanding title!
Ailments that can't be observed are particular challenges...if depression called for crutches, perhaps we would consistently be more patient with each other and ourselves.
Excellent pinpointing of particularly difficult activites when already weary from fighting the battle.
Beautifully done iambic teterameter, nicely rhymed.
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Thank you for your entry
I think a lot of poets suffer from chronic depression, it is often times the reason why we begin to write. It is our inspiration, our way to cope. You do well of expressing the feelings and thoughts of this affliction.
The form was done well for your first time at writing it. Good rhyme scheme and rhythm.
I encourage you to keep writing to read and comment.
God Bless
Tammy -
Awesome job on this! You got this form down pat! You always make it look so darn easy! I am jealous! Love it!
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Thanks
s Wasn't easy. Form is not my strong point so thought I'd best take a lesson or two
Thanks so much for the encouraging comments
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