once the words
in patterned warmth
like leaves
in a teacup
settled into song
before your eyes
but in the swirl
I noticed
your trembling hand,
while notes
struggled words
my pulse ebbed
its warmth
and my heart
dried as pain
at depths-end
my void grew cold,
as your words
feigned my being
your deceit
will linger its song
long after you have left
like the cup
in the basin
In a list
A contest entry
- Re-write my poem...by Amai Kanashimi by Sweet Sorrow.
2000 points, ended May 4, 2008, 6 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Beautifully penned and so touching. Thank you for re writing the original poem. My pleasure to read your thoughts.
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Thank you
for the HM. I truly enjoyed this contest. There should be more such as these.
Frans
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Ah ... Forever the Endopathic Healer ...
this poem took the essence and turned it into understanding and clarity. Well done, Poet.
Blessed be.
Myra
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This is beautifully penned with a wonderful image of serenity. Well done!
Love,
Amera
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well written good luck in contest
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