We were driving through the Black Country one year
When my brother said, "Stop, I could do with a beer."
It was late so we stopped at the first tavern we spied.
We parked the rental car hastily and headed inside.
Right away, I felt like something was a bit screwy
And again when I struggled to eat my rattatouille
But I thought I was losing it when I saw my brother
Get taller as he walked from one side to the other!
All the locals were friendly and the pints were flowing.
I blamed the drink as my disorientation was growing.
We became nauseous so we went outside for some air.
My brother asked, "What the heck's going on in there?"
"I don't know," I answered. "I can't quite figure it out.
The locals seem nice but there's some room for doubt.
I've had the feeling all night that they're putting us on.
Let's just go back inside, pay the bill, and we're gone."
We went back into the tavern and nearly fell over again.
I made a mental note to limit pints in the future to ten.
The embarrassment was becoming harder to endure.
With our change, the innkeeper handed me a brochure.
He said, "Here's a wee souvenir for you to take home.
I signed it so you'll remember us, wherever you roam."
"Oh, I'll never forget this place," I said. "That's a fact."
(But I was glad to just escape with some dignity intact.)
We went outside and were pouring ourselves into the car
When I turned to take a good look at that crazy, old bar.
It looked tilted, like the earth below one end had eroded,
But I thought, "Nah, it can't be." After all, I was loaded.
I got back into the car and we headed into the night.
My brother said, "Let me see that. What did he write?"
I fiddled with the radio as he unfolded the brochure.
In my mirror, the old tavern was becoming a blur.
He laughed and laughed till I couldn't take it any more.
I said, "Let me in it, will ya? What are you laughing for?"
He said, "You won't believe this. Oh, my God. No way.
We just left the most crooked house in the entire U.K.!"
"It was once called Glynne Arms and it's in the town of Himley.
Boy, they must think we Yanks see the world around us dimly."
When the shock passed, I too had to admit I was one silly Yank
And laugh at how the Himleyites pulled off one brilliant prank.
Bronze trophy winner
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