Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Painful Interruptions

Her pulse slows

As her world,

Of cruel lies & hate,

Come to a stop.

 

Her eyelids close.

It is such a chore

To continue breathing.

 

The smoothness of

Her defeat frightens her.

Sounds around her become

An annoying buzz.

 

She cautiously glanced

At the man who took

Everything away from her.

 

Everything.


One smoldering stare

From his dangerous eyes,
& she's

falling

forever.

 

His voice, the most

Painful interruption,

When she collapses

Into his arms of

Tainted love

& secrets.

Author notes

prompt: PERFECT STRANGER

PICTURE PROMPT: 3rd picture - artist unknown

"For each forgotten kiss, for all the memories, for all the times a look said all we had to say."
-"Burned with Desire" by Armin Van Buuren

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 6 of 6
  • OhNoChastity
    July 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I really don't feel like this applied to the prompt that well. I can feel the application, I suppose, but I more feel like the poem shows something different. The poem itself doesn't say that, all it shows is the sadness from a relationship, and although the prompt does have a tone of sadness, there were many specifics in the prompt that aren't seen. There are no memories, the memories are just implied. It just felt a little forced.

    The poem itself is pretty good. I love the line "it is such a chore to continue breathing." A broken heart can do that to a person, and it's such a terrible thing, and this is a feeling I can feel, an internal pain, my heart clenching so tightly it's sucking my lungs in as well. I really love that line, it's memorable.

    The last stanza is interesting. I feel like he's still there for her even though he's hurt her terribly, which takes me away from the prompt even more. I like it though. I like that she still loves him and will take him back even though it's a broken relationship.

    Thank you for entering and I hope to see more writing from you!

    -Jen


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    June 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very strong here and intense! In same contest as me too, so I wish you the best of luck in it


  • Manda Kathryn Greeters member
    May 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is an excellent poem, deep and beautiful however this excedes the no more than 20 lines rule given in the contest so I am sorry to DQ


  • hand-in-hand
    May 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is amazing. I thank you so very much for entering. I love how short it is but you have managed to shove so much emotion into those lines. "One smoldering stare
    From his dangerous eyes,
    & she's
    falling
    forever." that stanza is perfect


  • Phlegm
    May 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This was a truly amazing and inspiring entry. A lot of raw emotion. Rape, comes to mind. I may be way off, but that's what comes to mind. Every line has a tale of emotion on it's own.

    GREAT entry.

    Good luck in the contest!


  • notorious
    May 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "It is such a chore
    To continue breathing."

    So dark and eloquent, this line is!

    "The smoothness of
    Her defeat frightens her."

    Great line, truly.

    Good luck in the contest.

1 - 6 of 6