He finds her sleeping in the ballroom,
weary after many nights of dancing
and as He speaks her name,
she wakes laughing.
Bounding up,
she shows the perfect fit
of the gown He’d ordered
for the autumn dances.
She spins like a child,
still fascinated with the way the worn gown
flares around her legs in rich shades
of crimson, brown and gold.
He smiles, and the light of a thousand stars
fills the ballroom.
While she still stands dazzled,
he settles a golden box in her arms.
Joyfully, she throws it open
to find inside
a new gown of glittering white…
a soft gown
a sleeping gown.
“How beautiful!” she whispers,
“Can it really be for me?”
His laugh rings out
like a hundred golden bells in harmony,
as He tenderly helps her slip the worn season
from her shoulders
and slip into the shimmering white.
Before her new gown is entirely fastened,
she is asleep against His chest.
With merry eyes
he sweeps her up,
and carries her to bed.
Author notes
"He changes times and seasons..." Daniel 2:21
A contest entry
- Metaphorically speaking by mistressfialle.
528 points, ended January 22, 2004, 28 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 44 of 44
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Lovely piece of work a seasonal journey in time. Good job neighbor. Happy trails
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Great metaphors, choice of words, subtle rhyme and intriging subject. I enjoyed this a great deal, made me feel like Cinderella still does exist.
~~~POO~~~ -
wow.
Beautiful imagery. Just WOW!!
I give this a billion thumbs up...and a round of applause. GREAT JOB!
xoxox
kayla -
This is very different and quite lovely. I didn't think about natures changing seasons so much as I did a woman's changing seasons. Your metaphor is stunning and it make tears sting my eyelids. This poem captures that wonderful feeling of being beautiful no matter what season one is in, and the love, too. Beautiful, beautiful! I sometimes where that inner child has gone. Sigh
One to bookmark!
Edited on Oct 30, 1:23 p.m. because ''. -
Lovely work...I felt light as a feather....thanks for sharing
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How do you write so in metaphorical ways to make a girl look like the seasons? Fabulous and Poetic
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exquisite
Ah.....just.....ah. That is all I can think to say at first when a poem touches me with its profundity and beauty and whimsy and sheer, unmitigated poetry. When the words finally come forth, they are inevitably inept at expressing all that the poem has sparked in my heart, mind, and soul. A poem, done right, defies such packaging. You have created here one of those rare and living beings....a great poem. Thanks for sharing this one...it certainly deserved the win.
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Ohhh Glass...I haven't read this one before! It made me smile, you did such a superb job...the changing of seasons...like the Father Time giving MOther earth new gowns to wear...fabulous imagination!!! Congratulations and as always...best of wishe...~genielassie~
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This is wonderful. It's subtle but easy to understand. The imagery is beautiful and it's a bit different from the other entries.
I like it.
Thanks for entering.
*~~MF~~* -
I thought this was lovely. you did a good job
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awesome. a perfect 10
I adore the way you rhyme. Very simple yet effective. I like the picture this painted in my head. I could see the whole thing. It really put the season's into perspective for me and now I will look forward to season's I don't particularly like because of this poem.
Elizabeth
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Fantastic work in crafting lovely metaphors. I think even the hardest of cynics would have a hard time not giving you praise for this.
Your word selection is something to be admired and I was completely enthralled the flowing poetry. Beautiful work ~ Brian
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I liked it. At first I thought he was laughing b/c he was going to do something horribly mean and perverse, but was relieved when it didn't turn out that way. I think it is beautiful.
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lol- you're right, and originally it was like that, but I had some confusion. So, I bit the bullet and added the info. You can still feel smug- you knew BEFORE you read it, see?
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I almost wish you had been more mysterious with the title, and not explained this poem in your notes. The poem tells the story in a subtle way, and allows the reader to think about it on a number of levels. Sometimes half the fun is solving the puzzle without being able to check the answer....
This is lovely. Nicely done.
Edited on Dec 28, 2:53 because ''. -
Ohh.. wow.. At first I thought you were inspired by the sleeping beauty or Cinderella as I read this poem.. But in your author comments you say how it is.. and it fits perfectly. Great written, glass, I adored it. =D Have some nice vacation time as long it lasts, love,
Ilse -
great
Usually I don't read poems with the god stuff and whatnot but this one i must admit was really good. Expressing the girl as the earth was awesome, i enjoyed this piece very much. Best of luck in the contest, keep writing
Sarah
~*~Angel~*~
"If you love something set it free, if it returns it's yours forever, and if it doesn't hunt it down and kill it" -
*smiles* this is beautiful. since im very religious, i enjoyed this a lot. And how u expressed a girl as earth and a man being God and what she wears are the seasons of earth really caught me. Keep it up! i enjoyed this very much!
-Angel -
I liked this an amazing story-poem, a great imagery, it seem like a painting of words, excellent write, I hope for you a good luck.
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Well written!!
Glassslippers,
This was an interesting poem.
I really liked the flow of it.
It was so sweet and elegant... beautiful and enchanting.
I am not quite sure if I undderstood this a 100%. I will keep on reading it again and again until I do!
GOOD LUCK and thank you for entering my contest!
Keep on writing from the heart and soul.
Sincerely,
Nelak
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beautiful and multilayered poem - it shows a gentle and beautiful spirit - so nice to not find horror but trust in an elegant write - I will need to read more of your poems to better understand this I think in terms of all imagery interpretations possible - I agree with ZePoet - very enchanting, uplifting - very original - i like this type of write that is not concerned with just clever word play - the images just softly developed in beauty - you are a writer
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Very enchanting and full of wonderful images. A delightful uplifting read. Thank you for sharing this outstanding poem. Brilliant colors and the metaphor of the gown is ingenious. The inference to God and His glory is astounding within the entire poem. Great work here my friend.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY!!!
Denise :
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I was wondering about the capitalization of He...and then I saw the reference to the book of Daniel...I love the imagery and the portrayal of God and Earth...it is not often that I see such a loving and joyous portrayal of either. And I love the way you coordinated the colors and functions of the gowns with those associated with each season. I adore this! Love, Jen.
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oh, I love this It's beautiful and it made me smile..
And slip into the shimmering white.
Before her new gown is entirely fastened,
She is asleep against His chest.
With merry eyes
He sweeps her up,
And carries her to bed.
.. these closing lines are my favorite.. so tender and sweet
merci, bonne chance
~Scarlet -
Stunning is the only way to describe this poem. The details makes me feel like I am the one wearing the gown. It is beautiful, and stunning. I just cannot say enough. Would you let me print this to keep a copy, it is that good to me.
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cool write
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Wow! This is Amazing, I didn't get it until the end. I love it. I can see it all - God letting autumm rest while waking up winter - This is sssooo cool!
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as the season's change so does the gown, I wonder what spring is going to be like? This was beautiful and I loved the way that it flowed and you made it come alive. Thank you, Lissa
Edited on Dec 19, 7:12 p.m. because 'mispelled word oops!'. -
Well yes, I was influenced by someone lol, it's about God changing the earth's seasons, and I'm very happily enjoying all the things he's giving me --Glass
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wow. thats all i can say. did someone influence you to write this? because u should take advantage of that. two thumbs up from me. (clapclapclap) :-)
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pure
glad i clicked to this one.it is sweet like a cinderella story.it hugs you and wraps you up in it's purity.it's such an innocent concept to this.the simplistic love that is portrayed here is divine.love your stylings. -
I think the conclusion is very good: quiet and hopeful, as it should be. Beautiful imagery throughout the poem, whether as a symbolic representation or not.
Edited on Dec 19, 1:25 p.m. because ''. -
Superb write with details that I can't list. Wonderful closet to one's thought of a season's change! Lovely and surrounding. Thank you!
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10 outa 10
one word... AWESOME! -
Great
Beautifully penned. The way it flows, it's breath taking. The shades, and splender of the season! It's wonderful! Thank you for sharing with us all!
~Somber -
I really like the flow of your poem; it is pleasing to the ear
when spoken aloud. It has grace…I also love the imagery created
within the structure this piece as well..
Thanks for sharing your poem and thank you for letting me comment on it
~richard
By the way, thank your for commenting on my poem “sail heaven’s sea large”
It helps to have input and encouragement
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What a beautiful and inspiring poem you have created here. This seems to have the ability to go in different directions. With the image of slipping of the old season it made me think of how the seasons change and with the gown of white to represent snow, and the once the snow melts, the earth thaws the world is anew in birth of plants. This is really a fantastic poem. I really enjoyed reading and the many possibilities it let me explore in my mind.
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Fife4- Since this is about the earth falling asleep as winter comes, I can't do much in the way of "big bang" endings. It's SUPPOSED to be an "awww" sort of poem, lol. What would you suggest? Glass
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Absolutely amazing piece of poetry you've got yourself here. Best of luck with the contest! *sonya*
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I would like to see a better ending on this. It leaves us wanting more without revealing everything. You need a big bang ending that leads us suprised, angry, overjoyed..something. Currently, it is all "aww" but that is not the type of poem that lives on. Wheather you wanted to do that or not, that is what I want in a poem I read.
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Gorgeous write. I absolutely love the imagery and personification used. Beautiful! Good luck in the contest babe! ~CD
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excellent
This is incredible. Bookmarked and added to my list on my page as one of the best I have read.
WOW.
John -
Another great poem glass.. I agree, you should win with this gem.
smokin x -
So Sweet
This is so beautiful. Ever so sweetly written.Its a winner by me. Thank's for sharing, I enoyed it. I think I will take a look at some of your others.
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