From behind cobweb curtains
her visions are blurred, distorted.
She doesn’t recognize the man she wed
all those years ago.
Heart beats echo, hollow thumps.
Emptiness, no connection, no bond.
Resentments creep in, disappointments
prey upon a weary soul.
Craving emotional depth, a connection,
a sharing of a deeper realm.
His blood runs cold, and his eyes, dead.
She no longer recognizes him,
and as she draws open those
curtains of cobwebs,
she can see clearly,
and she no longer recognizes herself.
A contest entry
- Whatever by crazymomma.
450 points, ended June 9, 2008, 76 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Let Me Upgrade Ya! (2) by bananasfoster42.
525 points, ended June 18, 2008, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Set your muse and mine- lot of options by poetic-enigma21.
450 points, ended August 6, 2008, 23 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Lovvvvve by fake-or-real-smile.
550 points, ended November 3, 2008, 50 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Marriage-Wreck by Perfect Insanity.
850 points, ended November 17, 2008, 15 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - With Loves Comes Heartache. by Poetryintheblood.
625 points, ended November 23, 2008, 12 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 74 of 74
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My....the whole write echoes in my own heart as an identity with your situation is obvious...So worthy of every trophy. Your choice of words and imagery paint a bleak picture and one to only walk away from or confront for change...No one can live with the hopelessness. Bravo!....
Rosemary
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Thank you Rosemary! You are right in saying that noone can live with hopelessness. We are still together and things have improved but it is a constant struggle. Blessings, Patty
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pretty depressing view on it. But also a very true view on it at the same time. Very good imagry and flow! And awesome ending as well! Great write! Thanks for entering. Good Luck!
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Yeah, I agree that it is depressing, but I am happy to say that things have improved greatly in my marriage since I wrote this.
Marriage is not always easy but I have always believed that many times people give up too quickly. Thanks for your kind coment. Blessings, Patty
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Thats good to hear! Glad things have improved! Hope they stay that way
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beautiful, really well done
thanks
-dh -
I'm glad to see you put the options in your authors box. Congradulations on that. This is a message in the title of the song you picked. I wish you the best of luck in this contest.
Ignis Corpus -
That was incredible. I loved it. Good luck in my contest!
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Thank you for your entry which I found to speak volumes of depth in reading, Josie
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WOW!!! I especially love the end--about not recognizing herself... I actually hit a point pretty recently with my future husband where, after lots of resentments etc were building I realized it wasnt just him it was me i didn't recognize... Its important, I think, to always maintain yourself throughout, otherwise (like me) you struggle to re-create the person you want to be later. Anyway, I love this piece very much--it really hits at the heart of a disintegrating marriage... blame, resentment, withdrawal, and ultimate self-examination. One thing I wish is that it was first person...not that it's not powerful as is, but I think it might be even more passionate if it used "I" and "you".... great work, excellent luck in the contest!
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I am astounded as to what was the conclusion of this piece. I think no other presentation of this poem would have had that effect on me as this did.
First, your verbiage is excellent and filled with abstract, metaphoric and rich imagery. This truly did wonders to the emotional depth, and content of this piece.
"Craving emotional depth, a connection,
A sharing of a deeper realm."
This is most definitely what everyone in love should hope for, and yet, I hardly doubt I could have put it into words. With these few words you stated something so potent, and something that covers all grounds in love. And since I have just finished reading a piece about a selfish lover, i must state that you need to share a deeper realm seems genuine and longing.
This piece is filled with pain and with a crushing disappointment and discovery. Life changing as you so state:
"as she draws open those
curtains of cobwebs,
she can see clearly,
and she no longer recognizes herself."
There you concluded the piece in a magnificent way, albeit sorrowful and true. Great use of the title. And who knows, perhaps what you have become now is someone who has known immense pain, a strong individual who will learn from it... don't give up... Good luck. ♥
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Wow! Thanks so much for such a wonderful and in depth comment! It is much appreciated. Blessings, Patty
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It was more like a novel than a comment. Hehe. No problem! ♥
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LOL ..A great novel though.
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wow another wonderful write here. I love your creativity here. cobwebs who would of thought to use those things in such a creative manner. Good write here. And the background even adds to it. Thanks for joining in my contest here.
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Ooooh
love dying is horrid, and it's something no-one should ever have to go through.
I like the way this is written - the opening of the cobweb curtains, and idea of not recgonizing who you are or who the person you're married to is anymore.
Well done, thank you for entering and good luck
And I'm sorry if this is a personal write.
Rebecca
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A touching piece that unfortunately many can relate to I'm sure. I appreciate your entry.
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I hope that fight wasn't given up, but won. This is a wonderful poem, a trap too many fall into. Thank you for entering the contest, good luck.
♥
whisper
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Thank you for your heartfelt write, and many will relate to, good luck in my contest, Josie
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To be honest, I was least expecting a dark write on this subject, because I had never thought about it myself. So, in a way, your entry pleasantly surprised me. I say pleasant because you've done justice to the theme and I was able to feel the resentment as felt by the woman in the poem. And it's so true! sometimes, failed marriages supposedly make people lose their identities and in the process, lose themselves, and that's where problems begin. The best part, technically about this poem was that it had no cliches and that's like something really nice, as dark writes are usually full of cliches.
My favorite part:
"She no longer recognizes him,
and as she draws open those
curtains of cobwebs,
she can see clearly,
and she no longer recognizes herself."
Thanks for your wonderful entry and good luck in my contest.
Cheers! -
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Thanks much for your kind words, and I'm glad that you enjoyed this. Blessings, Patty
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Very in depth and strong piece, I must say. It sounds something relative along the lines a friend of a friend wrote in regards to her drug addiction, but then again could be viewed on several other topics as well which makes it all the more interesting. Very nicely done, my friend.
Blessed be!
~Winter~ -
I really enjoyed reading this well wrtitten indepth take on marriage even though its at the end of its survival. Good Luck, God Bless
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Thanks so much for your wonderful comment. It is greatly appreciated! Blessings, Patty
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beautiful. well written. good luck in the contest.
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This is a very interesteing take on marriage and all it's failings, well done on a great poem, best to you
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Seriously. Wonderful. It's interesting how someone effects you so much that you lose yourself trying to bring something back from the past. I dunno if that sentence made any sense to you... but yeah. Nicely worded poem you have here, with a deep meaning. Thanks for the entry.
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This is incredibly sad, and even though I can sympathize with you, I just don't think that this poem fits into what I am looking for. Thanks for entering though.
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This is an awesome poem...I think it totally sounds like an episode of "Intervention" on A&E that I saw a couple of weeks ago...it totally sounds the same...I hope you find peace in your search for it...
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Wow this is a very powerful and somewhat chilling piece, your imagery is just fantastic. The end of a marriage is never the same for different people my aunts marriage ended badly so I can somewhat understand this. Very well written thanks for entering!
Good luck!
~dawn♥ -
I know this feeling only to well as I was married for 15 years of pure hell. Some days, I still wonder who I am, even though I escaped that nightmare back in 1990.
This is very well deserving of a gold cup.
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Powerful and very sad, about the changes people go through, the changes marriages don't always survive. This had a lot of emotion but still managed to be poetic at the same time, and I liked the imagry of the cobwebs. Very well done and thank you for entering.
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From behind cobweb curtains
very beautifuly written
i simply loved the flow
thanks for sharing and best of luck in the contest
cheers
shilpa -
Thanks for entering!! This is so hard choosing who is going to place, they are all so good
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My friend would love this...
I just talked to my friend today about a marriage ending...she would so identify with this. Great write!
Regards,
DeGraw
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great poem! thanks for the entry!
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Sorry to hear you've been through this... The death of love is not easy, and as a child of divorce myself, it really comes to affect one's perceptions of love later on. I was a people-pleaser for a long time, because I had to be a different person for each set of parents, but now that I'm on my own, I'm happy just being me!
Your poem is also precisely the reason that, while I may love my boyfriend of two years with all my heart, I will probably never marry. I've seen too much damage done, too many families ruined because of divorce, and I don't trust anyone enough to sign away my independence on paper. I just want to get it right the first time, but no one does anymore... *sigh*
Anyway, sorry for rambling
Congrats on the well-deserved silver!
Laura x
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Thanks for the nice comment Laura. On a more positive note, things are getting better in our marriage. We have been married a long time, and I have always felt that many people give up way too easily. It is a lot of hard work, and it takes a willingness to look at your own part in the problems too. I hope that you don't let that fear stop you from having a fulfilling life with the one you love. It can, and does work a lot of times. Blessings, Patty
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I LOVE the metaphore. I was in one of those marriages where I lost myself behind the "cobwebs". This is amazing!
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when a spider weaves a web around a marrisge it soon becomes engulfed in a trap that is not easy to get out of you certainly have shown that in this write, I also thought the rhyme was very good. Thank you for the entry and good luck in the contest.
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lol.. wow.. you need some time to remember the old days.. those times when both of you were so in love.. great write!
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You two should go to the beach together or smoke some weed together...do something involving nature
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Ha Ha! We just might try that. Thanks for your comment. It cheered me up. Blessings, Patty
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Oh fantastically put my friend, Wow it's very heartfelt because right now I'm going though similar things you made it powerful with your words, i like reading this it stands out from all the rest thanks for sharing Because you helped me relieze to be true to myself.
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Thank you so much for your kind comment. I am sorry you are going through so much pain too. I wish you the best life has to offer. You deserve it! Blessings, Patty
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Great line about the curtains, not recoginizing the spouse, or in the end, herself. You give so much, there's no more of you left.
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http://allpoetry.com/poem/4258595
Speaks to being the only one trying. He has lost some hope. But everything you loved is still in the man, find it, wake it up. -
Don't give up! Read Dr. Harley's work on the internet. Google. Lovebusters. He can show you how to wake things back up. It is a maintenence problem, a unrealistic expectation problem, a "I think I got a bad deal" problem. But the failure will tear holes in everyone around you. Dr. Harley speaks of good times growing into affection, which reinforced, crosses a threshold called "LOvE" that fills a tank. Fear, pain, mistrust, ugly, etc drain the tank. Stop draining the tank, and re fill it. Wishing you the best.
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Powerful, deep and sad. I especially like the final stanza. So sorry about your situation.
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this is really good thanx for entering my contest..
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Not bad ...
not bad at all. The poem, not the situation. That's certainly bad. The entire thing was designed wrong. Bad enough to live such a short time, but much worse to have to die in such a humiliating fashion. Sometimes I think God has to be a sadist.
Thanks for entering. -
stunned
wow amazing! -
A really touching write, I can kind of relate to this, in that I saw this happen with my own parents. Very sad, and very true.
Thanks for sharing this,
Luck. -
This is so personal and heart wrenching. Beautifully put.
I have to admit to having been there and having realized that after so many years I did not want to give up the stability of a marriage for the unknown.
There is always love there somewhere, but you will have to be the one to ignite it. Talking about feelings is so enriching to both parties. Perhaps it will help you as it helped me. We both adjusted our behaviors.
~ Joyce
PS. Change the way you relate to HIM. Don't let him get you down and point out the things he says that you haven't earned.
Good luck with your new life, whatever you should choose.
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Outstanding
I have been seperated one and a half years, but me and my husband have neither completely walked away yet and reading this gave me goosebumps because I know the exact feeling that could inspire this heart wrenching poem.
Great, great job!!
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Aww...this is so sad. I like the comparison to cobwebs. This poem is really emotional and heartfelt. The last line really sums it all up. Great job!
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I love how you compared her life to cobwebs.
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Wow. this is great. You really show how you feel, and don't have to hide behind fake smiles. It shows how you are suffering.
I hope things get better.
But this is a good poem -
Been there - loved the poem
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Very heart wrenching and crying out poem. It seems we all get to that point for some reason. This is when the work begins. If both feel this way it is very hard to overcome, but can be done. Nicely penned poem that many could have written.
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Thanks for your comment. Yes, it is a tough place to be and has been a long road in trying to make things work with little from the other party. I am realizing the hard lesson that we all must learn, and that is that you really can only change yourself. Darn! I wish I could change him! Patty
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it is a hard place to be, I have struggled long not to give up. I married someone I still think is wonderful, but it seems he gave up, now I am struggling with the letting go. So my heart goes out to you.
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It's a hard thing when you come to the realization that two people who have pledged their lives to each other have changed in ways that may be incompatable with their union.
You describe the emotion here so well and the last line "she no longer recognizes herself" is one that's all-too familiar with many of us. Your pain is evident in every line.
As against our grain as caretakers this may be, it's time to embrace yourself and all that you have become. Let the chips fall where they may or you will die of starvation. Better to be free and owning yourself fully than any other path.
Blessings to you as you work through this, Dawn
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Painfully honest
Your words ooze the silent pain of surrendering to the realization that what once was is no more. This is very relatable for most of us who have been there. Not only is this about the loss of a sacred union but also loss of the self, and perhaps that is the greatest travesty here. Many casualties in that heap; hopefully most will find their way back to love and the rewards of an honest and nurturing relationship. It's all possible, and that's why we keep trying. We just have to remember to learn from our histories and make better and different choices. We are all capable of that as well.
Strong writing, painfully honest.
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Wow. A strong write filled with a lot of emotion. Well done
spreading the love,
miley -
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Thank you for your kind comment. It is much appreciated. Patty
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This is well written Patty and very sad in its almost brutal honesty, but sometimes, not until we have stripped away all the layers can we move on, don't see it as giving up a fight.
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"His blood runs cold, and his eyes, dead.
She no longer recognizes him,
and as she draws open those
curtains of cobwebs,
she can see clearly,
and she no longer recognizes herself."
This is excellent. There is a lot of depth, truth and honesty in this. It is sad that such things happen but better we recognize them when they do. Well written!
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Thank you so much for your comment and the applause. It is much appreciated. Patty
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Ok, I am going to take off my clothes and put on some music. This is no reflection on your poem, only that I am going to settle in. I am going to read some of your work like I really meant it, which I do. You bring up cobwebs twice in this piece, that is something that happens because no movement has taken place for a long, long time. Great alliteration considering the topic. Craving emotional depth is clearly a female statement and that is not bad, just the normal. You will find, I am the closest thing to a normal male with a female attitude there is. As the poem progresses she lets the depth of her disappointment grow until she is ready to come unglued. You pose the question at the end that if this is allowed to continue will the person affected even regognize themselves. That, perhaps is the best line. But it would not be if the previous lines had not led to it. I am a sucker for best line last. RC
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That is sad! A great poem, but definitely a sad story. I guess things work out like that sometimes though. It was very well written! Sometimes two people end up on opposite sides of the same relationship; it is sad when this happens, but I believe that there is always a way to work it out if both individuals are willing to give it a try! Thanks for sharing this! God bless.
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The title is perfect for the poem. I have gone through a marriage that died and a long term relationship that was bone-numbing at the end. I can understand exactly where you are coming from. Great job.
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Thank you for your comments and the applause. It is much appreciated..Patty
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I love it! It makes me think and I can acually relate to it. The last part is my favorite becasue that's the part that makes me think of myself.
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