I imagine her mind is a small wind funnel
with bits of childhood, bits of marriage,
bits of us as children floating around,
the same things that seem to stick there -
whirling, over and over, the same stories,
but I listen and pretend I’ve never heard
them before, because I’m terrified of a
day when the funnel gently lands.
In a list
A contest entry
- Langston Hughes - quick contest by Peteskid.
1200 points, ended May 5, 2008, 15 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 51 of 51
-
LONG LIST
-
Just wonderful.
You nailed a truth.
I think this is a fine piece.
-
I already commented once, sorry about that.
-
I liked this and the fear you have of your mother dying is touching or did you mean Alzheimers? I think this is worthy of the gold you got for it. Do you write beforehand when you enter a contest or do you look for a contest then write? Just wondering.
-
Aww...that's touching.
Well-expressed with metaphor.
The brevity tells a lot.
-
This is an example of how large words aren't always needed to make large poetry.
-
because I’m terrified of a
day when the funnel gently lands.
The rest of this poem is good, but WOW, you saved the best for last.
-
This connects in such a universal way. The underlying sensitivity, heartache, anxiousness, really supports this piece so well. Congrats on the Gold. Well earned. Geo
-
ah fear, we let it overwhelm us sometimes when we should just walk towards it and smile and let it wash us with its waves, then it is subdued
-
Wow, you got a gold, that's fantastic. I like this poem and I know the feeling as I'm going through the same thing with my Dad. He's going to die and I'm dreading it.
-
This poem, as your last one, has a boxy shape to it, which, ordinarily I don't like, but the poem here, as the last is short enough to bear the shape, and, and
... it is the perfect shape for the poem ...
title, line 1 and line 3 ... capturing the lines between, like a span of time, things whirling, good things, sad things, things ...
you not wanting that to cease, regardless
yes. yes. yes.
excellent
-
This is beautifully penned...makes me think of my grandfather. He use to always tell the same stories, over and over. I would sit and listen, even though I'd be bored silly (I was a teenager at the time). Now that he's gone, I can only remember a few of the stories...so yes, I understand this one deeply.
This is one of my favourites from you...definitely worthy of the gold. Congrats
-
Congratulations! I'm so happy to see yours got the gold, well deserved lieveling
-
A write that deserves a gold: the words, the metaphor, the reality ... and in the longing I experienced for her mine's funnel did land. Sad, but rejoicing, yoour poem has touched the fibre of my heart. Thank you precious one Frans.
-
Oh, Tara! I'm so glad I talked into staying in gal! Ten thousand congrats on a beautiful poem and a much deserved gold trophy.
-
I can feel this so much. I am very close to my Mother and she is one of my bestfriends.
By the way, my greated fear is losing my memory. "I'd rather die having them than to live without them".
Excellent and beautiful in its melancholic tones.
HENSLEY
-
awww a poem from your heart. this is really thoughtful and great. love it like always
-
a poem from the heart sounds to my ear like god speaking from inside the whirlwind. and i am quieted. -silverfish
-
I know how it feels, very close to home.
My mothers says that isn't so bad she forgets everything so fast. Now she is never mad at anyone because she doesn't remember what they did, there are more smiles than sadness. Still hard to see how she can't remember what she had done a day ago...
wind funnel...yes, you chose the perfect metaphor.
Excellent poem Tara
-
Tara, this touched me. I lost my mother several years ago. It is easy to take for granted the wealth of family history that is carefully categorized and stored safely in a mother's heart and mind untill it's existence is threatened.
I read some of your comments - I am so sorry to hear of your mother's disease. I will be praying for you and your mom. - NANGALEEMA
-
this reminds me very much of my grandma. some things you have to talk around, because it is impossible to talk right at them
-
We build the mind with the human experience throughout our lives; is that not the fruit of our labors? the one thing no material means can take from us? What happens when the mind fails? This reminded me of when my grandmother truly left us- Not when she died, but when she had the operation. I didn't see much of my grandmother in her after that, but I could tell all the important things were still in there somewhere with her. I hope they were at least. I could tell she loved me though, never the less. Look March now you've got me all emotional.
-
You write with such feel;ing...this was simply amazing. A wonderful poem. Well done.
-
Striking, beautiful, poignant, emotive. This is such wonderfully personal poetry. Thank you for opening your heart and letting us in
-
simply wonderful...
al
-
Oh my goodness, what an incredible poem...what a beautiful way to say it without labeling it, nor judging it..... what a beautiful whirlwind in their beautiful minds.
-
Awwww, this is sweet. I can see your love for your Mamma so clearly here. Very nicely done Tara.
Paul
-
-
Paul - thank you so much for your comment...it's such a hard disease to except
she is still pretty good, but she's in a home....and she's quite young Right now...she knows who we are..but just kind of says the same things over & over, and is in the home because of her STML, and she gets very confused with the order to do things in...she needs some simple directions in daily living
-
-
Yes bittersweet..and compelling.. I read some of the comments as well after reading your poem and I think knowing of your Mothers disease makes it even more poignant..anyway very moving.
-
-
This is so sad, but also so very real. Sometimes it's hard imagining ourselves to be there in that wind funnel too, but silence is our future too - therefore we have to make our "noises" now.
A precious one this is and so beautifully written, Tara.
~ Nicolette
-
A wondrous, wondrous shapshot ...
on a process divine ... For our human hearts so sad, but the merciful beginning to forget, in order to remember ...
Precious, precious poem, Tara.
Give her a hug for me, will you ...
Love
Myra
-
Oh yes, so bittersweet, Tara. So so beautiful... That reminds me- I have to start writing something for my "mom"s! Mother's day's gonna be here in a week!
-
-
do you think I should take out the word Silence at the end? is it cheesy? maybe just end it at /gently lands./
tell me honestly....lol -
-
"..gently lands" is good.
-
Lol, I don't really know- I like it either way- with or without the silence.
-
-
I'm thinking maybe it might be more effective without it...lol...I will take it out for a while & see what the rest of the comments are like
-
-
-
-
Oh Tara...so bittersweet these words. Just love her and be thankful that she is yet with you. Best of luck in the contest dear.
Love and peace always,
mj.
-
This pulls at my heart big time.
Becky
-
great piece filled with love and sadness...hits home with me,thanks.
-
-
thank you, Alice...yes, it is a little sad...my mom has early Alzheimer's disease...I don't think it changes the poem too much by telling you this..but maybe a bit
-
-
You are amazing. Truly you are. This reminds me of my grandmother and my fear.
-
-
my Father had Alzheimers....
Paul
-
-
Amazing write..this is exactly the way that I feel about my grandmother I would sit and listen to her for hours as she remembers her life..sometimes events change, but I just smile because im thankful to be able to listen to them once more...smiles
Thank you for sharing this...
Best wishes with this entry..
Many blessings
~A~
-
Beautiful. It was one of those pieces I wanted to give some critique to. There was nothing to point out. Sorry. You are just too amazing.
-
I can relate to this all too well. The memories and bits of stories that keep floating to the surface and keep being repeated. But, I guess it is better than not having them at all. This is touching and sad and beautiful all at the same time. Excellent. You have moved me to a place where even tears seem hollow.
Thanks
Garrison
-
You are wise
Mine is gone from here and how I miss her. 25 years later and I still want to turn to her for sharing. Yet, I know she sees.
-
Mind as wind funnel metaphor in an apsect of understanding something so fundamental, and wonderful; the idea of home, the place in our thoughts is a person who we trust with so much rely on for our sense of well being...this is excellent...PK
-
This is so beautiful and so touching, T. I feel your heart in this one. I have the same concerns with my own grandmother, who is so very dear to me. And I love her stories no matter how many times she relives them. They remind me of the beauty that was, no that is, her.
A simply endearing write with perfect, soft imagery. Thanks so much for sharing this piece of your heart.
-
This is stunning! You reach inside my ribs and give my heart a squeeze... I already know about the silence. Good luck in the contest!
-
This metaphor is breathtaking. Beautifully written I fear I'm redundant 
Adding your comment:
1 - 51 of 51
