There's a burning moon in Mexico
Love and blood go hand in hand
So deep and high, I can't let go
It rises red, It's sky crawl slow
A bulging middle with golden band
There's a burning moon in Mexico
Drunk, I watch the ebb tide flow
Where waves wash away at the land
So deep and high, I can't let go
A guitar song with black pearls so
consumed with guilt I cannot stand
There's a burning moon in Mexico
She hangs there naked, all a glow
Over an Ocean of silence and sand
So deep and high, I can't let go
In the distance, a storm does grow
Spinning eye pull, strand by strand
There's a burning moon in Mexico
So deep and high, I can't let go.
Author notes
Written December 18th, 2003
In a list
A contest entry
- Give me your best for 2000 points by Hadji Murad.
1887 points, ended December 7, 2006, 97 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - POETIC FORMS COMPETITION - a series of challenges (#1) by BluesMermaid.
525 points, ended January 24, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 64 of 64
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Maybe I have not dug deep enough into your writing as this one is also an excellent piece of work. The imagery in this is again incredibly well done. If this didn't win in the contests you had it in there had to have been some hellacious competition. I've never tried a villanelle before and this may have inspired me to give one a shot. What can I say except beautiful and inspiring work. Take care and Have fun. Steve
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ohh, that's very nice ^-^ I loved the write. It just shows how un-alert people may be, living their lives as usual without knowing what is there to come. Thank you for entering and good luck in the contest
X Marina X
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Please provide an option choice and I will comment when this is done. I will allow 24 hours or this contest poem will be removed.
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Very nice, I think it would work well as lyrics for a song, thank you for entering
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A very well written poem.It flowed and rhymed nicely.
Score:8.6 -
There are a couple of small things that bother me about this, but all in all, I wonder if you couldn't change this line:
In the distance, a storm does grow
In distance, I see a storm grow
I really like this poem however. Villanelles are hard to write anyway, and you've managed to handle this well. All in all, good job.
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thanks for entering!
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WOW seeing as you say in the comments: “It was about as well thought out as a runny turd”. You have great skill. I barely able to understand fully the Villanelle form let alone write one. Loving it. It reads beautifully and the imagery is great. Nice piece
Illiterate Iguana
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I specifically became a poet in order to avoid being anal.
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Very nice. I'm impressed. You have one major error though:
In the distance, a storm does grow (never, ever, use a form of the word "do" in front of another verb in modern English. It's totally archaic.)
Otherwise, great job. -
I've never written a villanelle before, mainly I think because I have too much respect for the form. I think yea nailed it with this one, the words played off each other well and the imagery wasn't typical. Abernaith already brought up "It rises red, It's sky crawl slow" and I thought "crawls" might have sounded better. I'm not sure on the restrictions of the form however. Thanks for the entry, take care and God bless.
Edited on Jan 13, 1:20 p.m. because ''. -
This is great, I love the surreal flow throughout the whole piece. I was also drawn to the line "Love and blood go hand in hand." Wonderful work. Too bad I couldn't listen to the song (bad internet connection), but the picture was an added bonus.
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Awesome
I really like it ... I love the flow the way it all goes together. I could feel the change in mood just from reading it. well written .... thanks for sharing. -
yay
awesome. I liked the stanza
"Drunk, I watch the ebb tide flow
Where waves wash away at the land
So deep and high, I can't let go"
very much. Songs are cool
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This is really nice, it seems so calm, and yet the meaning is so powerful!
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this was a powerful and subtly written piece my friend, you have a great use of imagry in this piece, a really nice write. image and Visions
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This was wonderful. Congratulations on your bronze trophy.
~Lyrical
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This is something special.
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Too late to defend your work, if that's the case. Let the readers sort the bull from the shit, and you're still left with a monster rammer.
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I guess I meant, "It is sky-crawl-slow" I just did it differently
to show that I really didn't give a fuck, and felt save enough to leave it
up to interpretation. -
Powerful elemental piece. V. good read. Anything else I say will just pile up on your ego.
Something I wonder about:
"It's sky crawl slow" This kicks the grammar stickler in me right at the hypothalamus. I'm sure you see why, and I don't know why you left it at that... perhaps there is a reason for this. It would be nice to know. Nevertheless, a great villanelle. Shucks...can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm so glad I stumbled into you. Your villanelles are revolutionary, and I'm a bit sore/v. grateful that I read your works before I decided to embark on my own revolution. Yours would have made more sense than mine, and that just about sobers me up. -
once again i love it! and did no one listen to your song??? im shocked , well i did and i like it alot!
another wonderful write from you!
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Aw, so many ways to burn. Awesome write, of course, my favorite.
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Out of all the ones I've read so far, this is the best; so I'm extremely glad that you got the gold trophy if I couldn't judge it. Even though the moderators didn't give me enough time to judge my contest, and maybe I should have limited it a little more, I'm glad you won and wish to congratulate you!!! GREAT JOB!!!
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Holy crap! I'd get drunk too if I was watching THAT little cloud spinning! Possibly a gauche question but...is that pic real?
A very unique piece you've written here, my friend. I really enjoyed the first stanza and feel it set the pace and the feel for the whole piece. I don't know.....maybe that common in villanelles?
Doesn't matter much what the reason, this is an exceptional piece of work!
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1. i like that you added a picture, it really set the mood for the poem, and help explain the title
2. very nice flow, usually using the same phrase the moon is burning in mexico so many times would take away from the poem, but in this case it actually added emphisase
3. very nice word choice, the choice of words is what gave this poem such a nice flow, and an enjoyable piece
nice work, continue writing -
I love staring at the image you have chosen to accompany this. That is an awesome choice but not near as well placed as the words you have selected for penning such a vibrant and picturesque Villainelle. One of these days I will learn to write this form myself. I have a great appreciation for them. Now I can go check out the link you have included.
Thank you for the pleasurable read.
♥ Kimberly -
Wow, what an amazing photo, and the way you catch it so lyricly, its like reaching into it and draging it in circles with threads to show us the new angles your mind has captured.
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Hey I like this piece. Very nice write. I'm not up on this form so no attempt at any type of critique coming from me. The next to the last strophe is my favorite.
Enjoyed the read.
~Dee -
Hyperventilating on Jesus glue.
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I enjoyed your comment about the runny turd but I am puzzled as to what you were doing with a paperbag when you had a "beautiful black woman" at your disposal.
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Really well done
this poem is an excellent poem and I loved the photo it was really cool cause I live in europe and I don't see tornadoes or anything well it's nice to see them but in a photo better right?
well I wish u all the best in the contest so go for the gold
good luck
Maria -
Mind blowing!
Amazing! I loved the imagery, and I really liked the general idea! Keep it up!
~Helena <3 -
paperbag? seriously?
now that's talent...
lucky girl... -
Very lovely...villanelles are often very shitty (hate to say it, but it's true). This is not that kind of villanelle. The reptition is done so well I had to double check to make sure you were in fact doing the repeats. Really lovely images too (I'm always fond of poetry with naked women). Some really exceptional lines too...I don't know why, but I really liked "There's a burning moon in Mexico/So deep and high, I can't let go"...not merely because it brought the whole poem together, but because...well, I said I didn't know, heh. But I digress. Really beautiful stuff.
Cheers and applause,
Yossarian -
WOW!!! I really like this one and connect with it for some reason!!! The language is so beautiful as well as the structure. You did an awesome job with this one!!! I especially like the second line of every stanza! They are wonderful! Great job on this one!!! If you are removed from this contest, it just means that you aren't being considered for a prize or trophy. It will allow you to enter other contests while I am still judging this extremely large contest...but you're still in it as of now! Good Luck! and Great Job!
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ooo. Excellent peice! I've never expierimented with the villanelle form-it looks like fun! Great peice-thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest!
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Well Done
The repeating line of this style of poem is quite powerful and dramatic. I could feel and see this poem. Vivid Imagery.
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This poem does read aloud very well. Thank you for entering.
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good
That was good, and had good imagry, but i think i liked the others ive read better -
DESERTOFSTORMS
Hey Senior this is cool..pass me the frahita's..no ..I think I'll have Nachos..wonderful piece ..I hope the Cantina survives -
This villanelle was written on a paperbag in Mexico right
before I made love to a beautiful black woman (who I wrote
it for) Then went to jail. It was about as well thought out
as a runny turd, but thanks all the same. -
i think ^^these people^^ said it all...awesomly awesome write in that you really do have to go thru it again and again to really be satisfied. lest i say more? desdichado took the cake when it came to summarizing it...oh and compliments on your repition.. im using that in a write im scribing...its good to see its not only me who is using this technique.um keep up whatever u did to write this!
~tomass~ -
Great imagery, rhymes, flow and form. A well thought out villanelle. Best wishes... ~genielassie~
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I think this is a very good poem to read aloud. The rhyme scheme is good, and just one step behind from being a bit overdone, so I like it. There's a good balance to the poem in that it doesn't rhyme in couplets, yet the middle lines of each stanza still get rhymed. It really pulls the whole poem together and glues not only each line to the next, but every stanza to yet another stanza, and so on. This made me want to read it over and over again. And as other comments have said, you have plenty of memorable and haunting images. The poem really sticks in your mind after you've read it. You don't just forget it or think it was nice and then move on. You want to linger a little. You want to dance with it. Really see what it's got. First read-through, it's like a glint of metal or something shiny in the sand. Second read-through, you get down on your hands and knees to see what it is. Third read-through, you lie flat on your belly to look at it. Fourth read-through, you pull it out and then you really begin to see. I love the repetition in this poem with "So deep and high I can't let go" and "There's a burning moon in Mexico". You've convinced me that everything deserves to be in this poem. But has it made me think, really? Or it just poetry for poetry's sake. I don't think it can be so easily discerned as to be either/or. I definately have to come back to this entry to ponder its possibilities more. But you've definately got my mind working its gears here. Nice job. And thanks a lot for entering.
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This is really very well written,Horus, with exceptional imagery and emotion: sad that it is. Keep up the good writing and much luck in this contest!
Lots of love and hugs, BonnieQ
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Nice job with the rhyming here, and also the repetition of key lines. Not sure I completely know what you're getting at here but the words ran smoothly through my mind. i like poems that are easy to read and this is one of them, but it still means something, something i also like
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what the hell is a vilanelles?i'ld like to try a new style
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loved it, as ever in awe of one who can write within the bounds of form and still make heartfelt expressions, often I find they are all rhyme scheme and no heart
well done indeed
Victoria xxXxx
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what is it with you and breasts ? i am noticing a pattern here, laughing softly, a bottle of tequila rose , a bon fire , and a woobie would work well with this .. i could see it , be safe , catressa
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tried writing a vilanelle once...
gave it up as an impossible task
for me that is
think you really pulled it off with this one
wonderfully written
~liz
p.s. loved your comment too! -
"There's a burning moon in Mexico"
That's a great line, so full of mystery and danger, and yet somewhat like "Romancing the Stone." I'm liking villanelles more and more. Great stuff, horus-
"She hangs there naked, all a glow
Over an Ocean of silence and sand
So deep and high, I can't let go"
That's such an awesome image.
Elle -
'Love and blood go hand in hand' - sadly, far too true for me. Great write. Barbie. Xx
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well written... and it had a great flow to it... keep up teh great writes! and goos luck in teh contest!
~`Sara`~ -
Reminds me of a Chris Isaac song called 'Wicked Game' Moody and bluesy. Your writings always explorative and MAnicmuze has left a comment and i echo it with salsa on the side.
I don't usually enter competitions on here as the subject matter is often unchallenging and cliched - this vilanelle adds a quality to the site and it matters not winner or no winner you and I both know you are JBH. -
this was a villanelle in very fine form.the subjecy matter seemed to compliment the form very well.a very extraordinary write in this traditional form.
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very good
I really like villanelles. This was a pleasure to read. Well written and on a place I would love to visit.
thanks,
John -
Lovely poem. Like many people, i don't write in set forms and so i admire your ability to do so. I didn't find the flow brilliant, but that might be because of the srictness of the structure??? I really don't know. Anyway, good poem, wiht lovely imnagery and vivid ideas. XXXX
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You know I had to click it, I dig it, what does the title mean I remember mexico from my teenage years, what a blast it was, well I'm off to bed
spank you naughty
Edited on Feb 20, 6:22 because ''. -
First.. lemme say thanks horus, for wanting to help me, even though we started off in a lovely 'tiff'... lol... I see you're really kinda a softy
First time I've read a vilanelle... and I like it
I am going to try what we talked about last night, using the
basis of this one. So.. we'll see what I come up with.. lol.
I thank you again.
~Aimee
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I do not even know what this ---->>> "vilanelle" is. I must be a clod, can you explain it to me, but anyway, a vivid picture painted. words of a brush, paint as thoughts, blaank screen as canvas, write on poet
peace be with & blessed be;
shaggy wolf -
Very well written, not a rhyme out of place and the repetition does not sound jarring. I found Vilanelle to be a beautiful but difficult form and you seemed to have mastered the form. Thanks for your comments on my poem "Over to Hyderabad"
Krishna -
This is very nice.Good reading and (for me) an easy flowing one
Thanks for sharing this and thank you for letting me comment on it
~richard /
By the way, thank your for commenting on my poem “sail heaven’s sea large”
It helps to have input and encouragement
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I love this... and i rarely love vilanelle's... but this one is exceptional.
A beautiful poem,
~ Wendy
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