It took me a while
To notice you
To feel you on my skin
Now I wonder,
How could I have missed your obvious presence?
Bite my nose,
Send shivers down my spine...
Fine.
I'll just hold my coat together
You'll never get through to my heart.
I just HAD to chose today to wear a skirt, didn't I?
You're around my legs too, you lewd thing.
Maybe rubbing them will erase the memories of your touch...
So I do. It doesn't work.
Again, you breathe on my neck-
Laughing at my meager defiance, I think-
And tousle my hair almost affectionately.
I use the term 'affectionately' loosely, you know.
You can't have a heart;
You're so distant, so unfeeling, so-...so-...
...........
Author notes
*laughs* Oh, this was a fun one to do! Try to figure out the word that I'm hinting at...good luck to you!
IF YOU FIGURE IT OUT (OR EVEN THINK YOU KNOW IT) DO NOT WRITE IT IN THE COMMENT!!!!! Instead, message me with your guess. I want everyone who reads this to have an even guess at what my 'mystery-word' is. No giving out the answer to any other poor souls.
A contest entry
- A Wordplay Poetry Contest by -BlackKnight-.
600 points, ended June 9, 2008, 38 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Mr. Comment Box is going crazy wondering what word I'm emphasizing...give him a hint by leaving a comment!
Comments
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Cold... A bit obvious really.
Interesting work. Not very poetic though... More story-like.
Thanks for entering anyway. -
This is obviously "cold".
I'm putting it here because, while I agree that everyone should try and figure the word out, I think it's good, too, to see what other people have thought. It allows readers to compare notes and perhaps see a poem in a new light.
Though, this poem needs a great deal of work; honestly, the loose, chatty speech did nothing to improve this at all. Especially this gem: "I use the term 'affectionately' loosely, you know."
C'mon now, give the reader the benefit of the doubt and assume they can figure that out on their own. Just like when they try figuring out what word this poem is about. -
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Thanks for the review; criticism is always as welcome as praise.
I don't dabble much in freeverse: when I do, I'm not always comfortable with how it comes out. This was...not my best, admittedly, nor do I consider it good. Mediocre, maybe, but I had an idea in my head and wanted to get the gist of it out. Maybe I'll re-write it with (hopefully) better results.
Thanks for the review, and good luck judging the contest!
-Vivian
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