I remember when the music exploded,
the dreams were connected
and you sang to me.
I remember when your soul was uncertain,
the future a stranger
and you knew death.
I remember when you smiled for a first time,
the nightmares were shattered
and your eyes were glass.
I remember when you told of a feeling,
the words incoherent.
You said you loved me.
A contest entry
- All ages allowed:Memories,write about your strongest memories. by pop123.
525 points, ended September 2, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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This is a very emotional poem.
Thanks for entering! -
Nicely done piece. I followed the remembering trail you set forth. Pen on...~Poo~
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I remember when your soul was uncertain,
the future a stranger
and you knew death.
thats my favorite stanza good onya -
I love this poem, it's so beautiful, but it seems to tell of pain..I don't know why I get that feeling. It probably just reminds me of the John that I knew...
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I thought at first that this was about John Lennon. The more I read the more I realized that it was probably not. But that didn't lessen the enjoyment of the poem. - ocerus
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Like the little vigenette quality to each stanza, the clear recollection of an instance when life happened. I too agree that the repetition enhances the credibilty of the memories, that they are important and real. They helped shape who you are. Geo
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Overall, on par. Not the best poem in the history of civilization, but not torture to read, either. I didn't detest it but I didn't absolutely fall head over heels in love with it. Well done.
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perfect
This heartfelt tribute resonates strong from the first line to the last. So beautifully expressed! In structure and rhythm it flows easily. Great creation!!
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Nice
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I feel you.
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Yeah, I also like the repetition....gives the poem a good flow. I can so relate to this,
Thanks for sharing,
Luck. -
Memory to love
I like the repition of "I remember when" it tells me your memory is crystal clear, and that this person meant alot to you. Thank you for your entry!
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A very well written piece of poetry. Memories some times haunt us, and at other times comfort us. Good luck in the contest.
Kelli -
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Thanks for your kind comment, it's just about a particularly important memory from a couple of years ago and how it's imprinted itself on my mind. I've tried to make the syllables and rhythm more regular than I usually do. Appreciate your response.
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