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Touching September

Reading black from white

looking for truth between lines of poetry

touching September

 

as if life depended on it

 

you wrapped love around me

silhouetted my shape

gave direction to my facial expressions

 

I always knew, you’d leave

when too much space closed in on us

and love gently breathed

in magical moments, meaning something

 

* 

 *

   *

 

memories need a funeral

to be put to rest

 

                        perhaps forever

 

tucked away in the attic of a mind

brought out on occasion and dusted off

just to recall images left under eyelids

 

...in touch, in tune with September

 

 

 

 

5/3/08 

Author notes

Prompt: September

A contest entry

Seek the truth and you shall find

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 18 of 18

  • tara wilson gold member
    June 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    congrats to you on the gold, Becky...this is still excellent on a second read..*applause again*.....


  • Namita
    June 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    " memories need a funeral

    to be put to rest "

    Wonderful writing. That line is so very beautiful- good job; thanks for showing me your September. Good luck in the contest.

    Namita


  • paulcreates silver member
    May 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This line is telling:
    "I always knew, you’d leave
    when too much space closed in on us
    and love gently breathed
    in magical moments, meaning something.."

    Sometimes we people are like that. Love imply a certain interpersonal responsibility and that's a bit scary to some.

    This is a nice pensive write Becky. Good job.

    Paul


  • MysticalRayne
    May 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I really enjoyed this your form and format are original and flow smoothly. It left me with a sense of awe after reading it ~ you have taken pain and made it beautiful in a way. Thank you for sharing


  • The Cube
    May 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This was very well written. The format and flow was nice and it had a soft sort of sense to it. It was a calming piece to read and the way it was formatted only added to that. Nicely done.


  • Heath Thompson
    May 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Hi Becky,

    I've moved this critique to the Critique Exchange Community - hadn't realised you are in a contest.

     

    Heath


  • Jersene gold member
    May 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is excellent...very pensive.

    "memories need a funeral
    to be put to rest"

    brilliant lines.


  • Lyrical Rain
    May 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful. Simply beautiful, sad, and breathtaking


  • Heath Thompson
    May 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Hi Becky,

    I needs a few days to think this one over properly but will be away for a few days also. Will come back to you on this early-mid next week.

  • Suzanne Dia
    May 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply


    I've never really managed that whole 'funeral' thing, you know. I try, I really do, but memories are tenacious buggers. They like to stay close and whisper in our ears when things get too quiet, I think. Sometimes that gentle whisper is good, sometimes it sends a chill down my spine (in a bad way )

    I like this



  • vertigo beat
    May 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    -memories need a funeral
    amazing.

  • Yvette Champ gold member
    May 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply


  • Endeavor gold member
    May 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Very Good


    tucked away in the attic of a mind
    brought out on occasion and dusted off
    just to recall images left under eyelids
    to be in touch, in tune with September

    This is beautiful and I love the style of it

    Rick




  • aliceramone
    May 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    excellent piece...love "memories need a funeral"-never heard it put like that before...excellent piece.


  • Randomly Beautiful
    May 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I've missed you. This is superb.


  • Lavender Butterfly silver member
    May 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this is absolutely amazing. I can see a shiny gold cup beside this masterpiece... x Many blessings, Lavender Butterfly.

  • tara wilson gold member
    May 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    "memories need a funeral
    to be put to rest"

    this is excellent..


  • StarEyes
    May 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh my Dear friend,

    This touched my heart deeply tonight! For a couple of reasons... But just know that you touched my heart..!

    You did a fantastic job on this one!!! I love it!!

    Best of luck in this contest!!

    and love

    Nyetta

1 - 18 of 18