i.
lying in the grass
kissing the weeds, drunk
and moaning for stars
to dance. i hold hands
with a boy i only touch,
we silently strip fabric leaves
from their opening bows
and wait for october to cum.
he reaches for homecoming
and i cheer in whispers
happy that my vision is blurred.
in my mouth knotted fire wood
burns.
i am left hoping that winter
will welcome my regrets.
ii.
i am the white leaf
and he a maple,
sweet full limbs
dependant on the wind.
we have eyes full of open skies
horizons leading to renewal.
my veins are plucked
by his, and we are joyful
to nestle in gutters
until we return to mystery.
Author notes
my late september.
please comment/critque!
peace to all ~flight
A contest entry
- late September by Namita.
300 points, ended June 8, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
honesty
Comments
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"in my mouth knotted fire wood
burns"
Excellent image. I like this poem- first good poem I've read in this contest. Good luck, Jo. Thanks for entering.
Namita
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I was not to crazy about the last four lines somehow I feel cheated...hope you dont mind my imput...its in good faith
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i do appriciate it! do you have anything specific to say about how i might make you feel content after reading this?
thanks
peace to all ~flight -
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the last four lines just don't fit to the writing...I can only suggest you read some of the other entries...something might come to mind...after all it is helpful for you to know what you are up against...not to mention pointers you can pick up along the way...I am no poetic genius nor am I a grammar master...lol..good luck
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