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mute

 

 

beyond this once
within the once
within the once within
unfocused -- you become.


these pieces fall apart
between the bones.
I'm breathing --


behind another breath
undone. the eyes go going,
again, there is no end;

tomorrow weights today.
unknown, along an axis

we speak of time in lives.
eternally-- more -- strings

invisible through day.
they turn around the sun.

this tongue exists in space
I fumble into vowels,
without a sound,
un-mouth.

the pendulum is free,
suspended by desire,

within this
only moment,
within this one within

begun before beginning,
inside the eye of being
inside the eye of I,

now

in the still of inhale.

 

 

 

 

 

 

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 32 of 32

  • kareneisenlord gold member
    August 18, 2008

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    This is profoundly mystical to me. A deep and utter reconnection with our Soul of Souls, the Atman - which is beyond space, time and our temporary being of now.

    "begun before beginning,
    inside the eye of being
    inside the eye of I,

    now

    in the still of inhale."

    Congrats on the gold!


  • dp robertson
    August 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    why the fuck haven't I read more of you Liza? You are a wonderful writer. I thinkl I better add you to my favoutites now.


  • Cannonsfire
    July 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    It's impossible to take a breath as you read this, I found myself wanting to hold my breath and then upon reaching the final line...breathe again. But it was more like a sigh when I let go. Beautiful. Love, C


  • adios muchachos gold member
    June 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Leeeeeza

    I tried to exhale and be startled at the same time...it is impossible!

    I tried to be disappointed and inhale at the same time...
    also impossible!

    I also tried to figure out exactly what the rest of this poem was getting at...also impossible!LOL

    You never leave author notes?
    Did you ever read David and Lisa?
    She could not talk without rhyming, at least not until the end.

    John


  • Kala101
    June 17, 2008
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    I loved it .... it was so awsome! Keep up the great poems!!


  • Heart Sutra
    June 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You are definitely one of the top of the tops poets here.

    I love this one.


  • poetryality silver member
    June 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Congratulations on earning the Gold!

    This stellar work reminds me of my teenage years when I was doing what I thought was serious soul searching. It seems I wrote some of my most in-depth poetry then. It might have been because of the influence of marijuana or purple haze...who knows.

    I love the back and forth thought process between this world and the possibility of another. The last line breathes as if it were that last breath but taken inward.

    I am reminded also of the many beat and dada poets that swept me off my feet in my teen years as well.

    Indeed, an impressive work of word-play poetry.


    Much Love ♥

    Renee

  • celadia
    June 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love the image in the second stanza 'between the bones' so fantastic, this is the highlight of the piece for me. I think this poem is well thought out and the use of language is good. Congrats on the gold, you deserved it for this one.


  • monstruo
    June 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    we speak of time in lives.
    eternally-- more -- strings

    So thought provoking. Something intangible and infinite is divided by the finite and material. Amazing write. Reminds of a single moment that stretches forever, out of sight with the countless 'strings', like a depiction of 'now' or 'the last now' so to speak. Hope I'm making sense. Thanks for sharing.


  • jamiedoring
    May 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    ( .......Ok Jamie...say something smart...dont say something stupid like holy cow...great...too late. )

    Oh well...

    Seriously...I read your words and these comments (WOW on both ends) and I am left here at the screen in awe...This is an absolutly AMAZING write that is felt rather than read.

    Stunning. Congrats on that WELL deserved gold.

    Jamie


  • faithwhisperer silver member
    May 27, 2008

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    I love your use of words here, and vocabulary, and your poem seems to actually inhale itself, and breathe...truly lovely!


  • Lucy.
    May 27, 2008

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    Wow!

    I visited this a few times during the contest, but never commented because it left me so, wow!
    But at least I can say Congratulations now on a very well-deserved Gold! This piece is amazing. Sometimes you get those poems that are ones to be revisited over and over, and this is one of those. Well done.


  • Thoughts-of-Soloman
    May 25, 2008

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    This is a most amazing piece you have written, pointing insistently to that which is beyond the words and agitating the attention towards it.
    A beauty of purity both in and between the lines.
    A most admirable grasp at essential existence from a viewpoint of deep and honest perception. Thank you so much for giving this to us.

    I very much like your title and it puts me in mind of something which I don't want to misquote, so I will post it to you later, if I may.


    Okay, purely for your amusement, this is what I see reflected in this reading:

    Pointing to the indescribably unqualified
    from where you originate
    non-particularised in your understanding
    yet constantly becoming from this same source.

    This is all that you are in your make up.

    An ever continuing revelation from the same annihilation and recreation prior to form.

    Each configuration following from the proceeding one.

    Our subjective perspective sees the results of actions and acted upon,
    not the 'actor'.

    ? 'strings' associated thought? OR lines of actuating existence through levels?

    In the pursuit of Truth real education comes from what is dropped not collected.

    Freedom from the confines of acquired limited knowledge,
    Life still yearns to be and this is the point in living.

    All is Now- reaching back to the non-defined.

    The unqualified
    Timeless
    All witnessing by being
    Your seeing is its seeing, there is no other.

    Always close, ever in immediate presence, there is no other.


  • apples fell
    May 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Sound is so very important in poetry. I feel like I'm repeating myself a lot today because I've been mentioning sound, but it's damn true. Simple as that. Now you do something unique here. You take sound to a place that is rather awkwardly beautiful. I admit that I was a little taken aback by the use of "once" so many times at the beginning but I also see that it works rather well. Your eyes just tell you "no no" at first and then it's like "ya, I dig that". That is certainly something to be proud of. Just being able to play with words in this good of a manner is impressive. I dare say this is almost like the poetry of Gertrude Stein. She use to repeat words in an almost lyrical sense and even went as far as repeating things backwards in a whimsical fashion. Some poetry just begs to be dissected off the page and this is that kind. That poetry that expands itself right before your eyes and becomes, more.

    ;


  • NurseChilly gold member
    May 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    the un-mouthing of words and context is so stunning here, that i read and re-read each line to extract the symbols left by you, it feels like i'm tattooing myself with the essence of your light with each read.

    the beginning of light and the opening of a word, with each breath, the realities of dying become more apparent, if not for the clouds and ether and the waves and the pull of the moon, should we not inhale and speak of what we know

    i know, that you write the most stunning words i read on this site, and not often enough, share them with us all..... so i treasure this piece here and find time just to sit and read it again and again...


    many thanks for entering this contest and good luck too

    G.x


  • ForsakenOne74
    May 16, 2008

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    Such a captivating, thought provoking piece. The more one reads, the more one is caught wondering and relating, appeals to me on many levels. Wonderful work!


  • B2oH
    May 11, 2008

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    Top Notch, A Number One

    You always manage to take simplicity of voice to a complexity of meaning....layered in sound, semantics and the slither of sand-worn time.

    This .... speaks (to me) of birth, life, co-existence and death. Time. We. An unending stream of humanity, each life a ripple in a larger stream....tumbling down to the source of origin...the sea.

    And Yet -- the sense that....this collective stream has a higher..hmmmmm.....rapport. Not with a deity..but rather, a quantum based file-sharing of sorts. A repository of knowledge....perhaps. A place..that exists between breaths.

    Superb....as always.


  • AJ Morelli gold member
    May 5, 2008

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    this is incredible, wonderful use of sound and repetition... great poem



  • jenneddin silver member
    May 3, 2008

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    Can I just smile?
    Take it in?
    Inhale?
    Understand without
    spewing poetics?




  • Nicolette gold member
    May 3, 2008

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    Speechless!! The way this 'mute' speaks, the way you shape and mould words, concepts, etc is just amazing, Liza...

    someday i want to write like this...

    ~ Nicolette


  • IronIcecream
    May 3, 2008
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    yes it makes sense
    it's you (and - you don't trick me -you never sleep )

    • ArtFullyMe gold member
      May 3, 2008
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      ..part of me sleeps, ....... I think


      • IronIcecream
        May 6, 2008

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        to refrain:

        "no one can understand humanity, those who try are insane" (or something like that) Jerome C. Jerome

        and that's because humanity is collective insanity - madmen just live in their own dimension

        those who try to impose it are regarded as prophets messiahs etc.

        it's all madness, impersonal psychosis or imposed fantasy

  • Suzanne Dia
    May 3, 2008
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    do you ever sleep?

  • Suzanne Dia
    May 3, 2008

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    You re-entered..

    I like both entries though.

    You're so good at tying me up in your words, and not many can do that.

    she's come undone and done and undone all over again.


  • Yemassee gold member
    May 3, 2008

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    I need a desk light here, terribly dark this morning, hard to see the keys...see that answers a frequently asked question on AP..."What does Yem do, just write the first thing that comes into his head?"

    What's the Poe lines, something about a dream within a dream. I forget.

    Didn't we discuss this concept once, that eye inside the i? If so, I remember trying to naeeow down your meaning, this life-death notion, this "moment" notion...what is being I suppose. Blink your eyes and it's gone...even sooner than that.

    Other than that, I'm lost in the Liza fog as usual...its own once within the once within the once that was.

1 - 32 of 32