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My Kingdom for......

There are many things we'd like to see
End of famine, war and poverty
But, no not me, thats not it
My kingdom for SOME JEANS THAT FIT!
I'm sick of them hanging down my arse
I hoike them up but they fall down fast
You can't hoike them up too far you know
Because if you do. Camel Toe!!!
If you go out then, the men all stare
and old ladies give you nasty glares
And when I went out to buy  more clothes
The shop girl there looked down her nose
she said 'I'm sorry but you just can't leave
until I sell you some brand new jeans'
I swear they fit when I was in the shop
But when I got home. Muffin Top!!!
Now muffin tops are a BIG mistake
Though young girls seem to think they're great
If you go out then, men point and laugh
and old hags comment when they pass
So there's only one thing, I'll have to try it
I'm going on a great big diet
So in misery, leave me please
Eating fruit and lettuce leaves
But there is one thing that you can bet
I'll make those bastard jeans fit yet.







Author notes

This is all true!!! every last line of it. Except the part about me rather having fitting jeans than world peace, I mean I'm not that shallow!!

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  • Mark Rickerby gold member
    May 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Raunchy as hell - I love it!

    You are so funny. Camel toes and muffin tops are the two greatest hazards for women who like jeans, though MT's seem to be in style here in L.A. now that fat is in again. There's plenty of plumber cleavage around, too, proudly displayed by women who are most definitely not slaves to the gym. I always seem to notice them when I'm sitting down at a restaurant to eat. Add a few butt pimples, a trail of back hair gradually thickening into the crack, and the obligatory Japanese or New Zealand tribal tattoo on the lower back to show that they are just as cool as the other sheep, and you've got all the makings of indigestion. They should be arrested for bringing the human form into disrepute. lol

    Thanks for the laugh. lol (I can't believe you put the words "camel toe" in a poem, though. I'm so proud of you.)

    M


    • AusStar
      May 3, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you!! I'm so glad you are proud of me... Its all your fault you know, that bloody Pee Wee's Wee Wee Fee!!! I'll never beat that... EVER!!!