dance,
and let
the world's axis
slowly and surely shift
to your deserving center and
revolve slowly in time
with your hips
that sway
smooth
A contest entry
- Brevity At Its Best!!! by delightfulmess.
700 points, ended May 13, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Nice. I usually don't like this form of poetry, but this I really like. You manage to make the description of dancing so poetic, and I like how you paired "smooth" with "dance." This is a real winner of a poem and I'm really surprised it didn't win the contest, I would think it'd get a trophy hands down.
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nice
written nicley
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positively lovely! your words and their placement actually dance right off the page themselves-- reminded me of a twirling ballerina stiff around the axis... a joy to read!
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Creative Genius!
This is amazing.. I feel like it has a meaning in its self and yet could be a metaphor for a thousand differant things as well! bravo -
This is great! I can't believe it didn't take the gold. The spacing is innovative and effective; I thought the word choice was good too.
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beautiful
perfect. absolutely perfect.
i love it. -
A beautiful masterpiece!!!
Your muse has the gift!!! 
Peace, xx Cyn 
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I am not much of a dancer, but this poem is pretty short and sweet. I like the layout of it. It is pretty well written, however it feels like one long sentence reorganized, if that is the intention of the flow, then it does its job wonderfully, if not, then maybe try to avoid ending a line with the word and.
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elegant
Well written. Had enough in it to make it enjoyable and to your credit never seemed over-written, cliched or vague. Good use of shape poetry also, worked nicely for me.
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Awesome!
You are very talented, please keep writing. -
Ah...you are the artist of love bringing the curves to your poetry while living in the central unit of the love...wonderful ...
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I love this one!
Well done and thanks a lot
for sharing it here.
Good luck to you!
Jeremy0826 -
Oh what a smooth dance reminded me of dancing throughout the entire piece this was short but flowed nicely thank you for sharing your work with us!
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This makes me want to go and dance and figure out what you mean, seductive, but not in a sexual way.
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Outstanding!!!! love the sensual feel and flow in this one. Thank you for entering my contest.
Delila -
A beautiful image. I enjoyed reading this. The picture you painted with your words are so wonderful! The like the thought you used connecting the axis of the earth to moving hips. Great write!
spreading some love,
miley
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