...Still Expectations...

Smart and foolish
so hateful;too good
no wonder I have mixed emotions
always in between
someone who is incomplete
yet feels whole?

Teacher's pet yet
insubordinate
I could go for perfectly imperfect
or imperfectly perfect...
or just plain fucked up.

Maybe I should stop trying to find
away to please
everyone else but me...

Profound but idiotic
I just want to be happy with the person
I have to see in the mirror every morning...
The person who in the end makes all my decisions...

I must be an Honor student, well rounded,spotless, productive, calm, controlled, sympathetic, sophisticated, fun, intelligent,stylish, down to earth, real, creative...

It's so hard...to face myself sometimes...
knowing that I fail to be all of these, all the time...
My ego tells me be strong...
but my spirit wants to cry...
I sometimes feel
if I stay stuck in the middle
I will surely suffocate
and die.