I cast away the trappings of conformity
that the material world demands of me .
I am liberated with the freedom
of my long forgotten youth.
A faded memory long buried
in the root cellar of my mind!
I resurrect the purity and innocence
of the true believer, I use to be.
Disenchantment is a harsh
unwanted lesson!
When acceptance of reality
supplants...
the hopeful dreams of youth
There are however, always those few
that retreat, without surrender!
Their minds pretend to accept
the reality of societies demands.
While their emotions clearly see
this treason against their life!
So they keep safe, their hopes and dreams
sound and thriving within their hearts.
In hope a day will come
when their imprisoned mind decides…
to make that leap of faith!
Very few ever glean
The remembrance …
of life before the box!
The sheep of humanity
wait for a ship…
that will never come in!
AKA the Lottery
a dollar a day
buys a ticket
of false hope.
On their couch of conformity
hypnotized masses, glued to the telle
swallow the slime
pouring out from the screen
keeping them prisoners
in the mental masturbation
of societies box!
In faith I leaped forward
towards hopes and dreams
held safe in my heart
I swam out to my ship!
As I watched the shoreline recede
I could see off in the distance
the crumbling remains of my box
as it slowly burnt to the ground!
Author notes
Freethinker
In a list
A contest entry
- Off the Wall! by z etoile.
300 points, ended June 26, 2008, 18 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Speak Up! I Wanna Read Passion In Your Convictions by karma-n-peace.
925 points, ended January 1, 18 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 32 of 32
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i like the part that overtherainbow liked.
i feel that too. -
"On their couch of conformity
hypnotized masses, glued to the telle
swallow the slime
pouring out from the screen
keeping them prisoners
in the mental masturbation
of societies box!"
really liked this part.
thanks so much for entering.
good luck -
Excellent poem. The descriptions of social corruption and conformity are riveting!
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This is really good! Love it!
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A very good piece, filled with lots of hope and determination. Amazes me how society sparks the muse. Nice ending. Thanks for entering and good luck.
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awesome job, only found one thing-
the reality of societys demands
societys should be societies.
other than that great job and thanks for entering -
a bit rebelliouse, a bit of sarcasm, and a bit of brilliance... thanks for the write, good luck
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"As I watched the shoreline recede
I could see off in the distance
the crumbling remains of my box
as it slowly burnt to the ground!"
Yeah, burn that box! Awesome poem.
Thanks for the entry and good luck!
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This poem is nicely written however not what I am looking for this contest. This contest was made to inspire young poets out there that they do not have to give up on their dreams. Good job though and keep up the great work!
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I see you have two Silver Trophies so far for this poem. Congratulations. This isn’t what I am looking for at this time. I apologize for not making that clear. Thank you for entering my contest.
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An intesting poem with some really strong imagery. I liked in but concerning the genre of dramatic monologues (Because thats the contest rather than because I really wish to detract from your poem as a poem in its own right) I would wish to learn more about the identity and situation of the speaker. Overall however this is a brilliant poem.
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Excellent. Thanks for sharing this.
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this caught my eye: "On their couch of conformity
hypnotized masses, glued to the telle
swallow the slime
pouring out from the screen
keeping them prisoners
in the mental masturbation
of societies box!"
really nice stuff! thanks for entering! -
Too mant favorite truths in this write for me to pick only one.
You clearly have a grasp on the unfortunate reality of the world we live in.
Thank you for entering this! -
Disenchantment is a harsh
unwanted lesson!
When acceptance of reality
supplants...
the hopeful dreams of youth
Brilliant!
A harsh truth made easily digestable.
Great work and good luck in contest!
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"I swam out to my ship" ...
Such nice strong expressions and a seamless control of flow.. !!!
Thanks for your entry and Good Luck !!
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I was just thinking the other day about that box that seems to mesmerize us ... we are too willing victims. Of course there are nature programs (if you want sex and violence
) the news is always so inspiring. Congrats on the silver! thank you for entering
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parts that spoke out...so vividly!
"There are however, always those few
that retreat, without surrender!"
"Their minds pretend to accept
the reality of societys demands.
While their emotions clearly see
this treason against their life!"
"so they keep safe,
their hopes and dreams
sound and thriving
within their hearts.
In hope
a day will come
when their imprisoned mind decides…
to make that leap of faith!"
"In faith I leaped forward
towards hopes and dreams
held safe in my heart"
this is a very deep and powerful
poem!
WE have many issues....in America
that we will be boldly and painfully
revealed and confronted!
I sure hope...your voice will be heard, and pulllllllllllll us all
out....to boldly speak our words
and souls of truth, hopes and
dreams!
flamesdragoness
(it figures, a crash of the market,
hitting our wallets...would bring
expose our thirsty, thirsty hearts)
welcome to the finalist list!
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Our society today has much to answer for this is the truth I see. Does it anger me yes of course it does. How by letting people in the US starve to death or be cold and homeless while they send money and more overseas to those who are supposedly ALLIES what about our country? What about us... YOu have asked a loaded question my freind.... Wonderful write it really is thought provoking
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This is really gret. I really enjoyed reading it. Thank you for your entry good luck in the contest.
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This demand on society is sooo apparent in your poem...it's almost a burden. I love it. I enjoy the way that your poem flowed and how it came to almost be a hell on earth. Wonderful choice of words and fabulous use of structure...keep writting you are truely amazing...oh and good luck...scars.
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"So they keep safe, their hopes and dreams
sound and thriving within their hearts.
In hope a day will come
when their imprisoned mind decides…
to make that leap of faith!"
I loved this stanza. Sometimes that leap is harder than at other times, and downright freaky. Unfortunately, I will have to remove this piece from my contest since it has already been in other contests. Please feel welcome to enter another, though.
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This is a very interesting piece that touches on the conformity of society, great word choice and flow, best to you
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I'm not sure the essence of contemporary poetry is displayed/expressed in this piece. This is a nice piece with plenty of room for improvement.
Suggestions for improvement:
first off, exclamation points rarely add any emotional depth to poetry and generally end up making the piece look comical/amateurish, and because none of the genres you labeled this were 'humour' I can only assume this was unintentional.
…all of...these...made me... nauseous...
"that the material world demands of me ."
periods are placed immediately following the last word of a sentence. correct punctuation: 'me.'
the theme of this came off as rather cliche, however with multiple revisions and work, this may become a better poem.
thank you for your entry.
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Decidedly long. an epic I'd say. Afraid my attention span isn't up to it right now. Thank you for entering.
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very interesting poem, and so true of society today!
Thank you for entering my contest! -
"On their couch of conformity
hypnotized masses, glued to the telle
swallow the slime
pouring out from the screen
keeping them prisoners
in the mental masturbation
of societies box!"
love those lines. the constant! exclimation! marks! got to me, butt hat's just a personal thing. i really agree with what you're syaing in this piece.
thanks for entering. -
Hmm great job! thank youf or entering the contest!
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Mixed blessings!
I feel your poem, poetically speaking, began and ended well.
In the middle, a little prosaic in such a stanza as this one:
"Their minds pretend to accept
the reality of societies demands.
While their emotions clearly see
this treason against their life!"
Note also, 'societies demands' => society's demands.
I notice that Pamela highlighted this particular stanza, as well. I agree with her. The reason? She is praising you for your thematic power and compression of language. Try to deliver it with imagistic force.
Lyndon of the Winklings.
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Wow. Bravo!
"Disenchantment is a harsh
unwanted lesson!" OH is it ever! So much truth in this statement.
"Their minds pretend to accept
the reality of societies demands.
While their emotions clearly see
this treason against their life!"
This stanza speaks volumes.
I am scraping my chin from the floor with the sheer truth that slimly spins down the page in the superb write. Thank you so much for such a splendid entry. Well done. Best of luck in the judging. ~Pamela
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I love the intensity of this poem. You really get your point across thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest
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A wonderful poem. I lit my own box on fire years ago. Trying to conform to the "norms" of society was stealing my life away. I love this!
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