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Behind Closed Curtains







Mocking contemplation, laughter in disguise,
while force-feeding untruths to morbid demise.
Content with confusion, addicted to chains.
The self-disagreements begin once again.

Pretense is invaded; reflections at rest
when dosage is increased and you're not impressed.
Exceeding lost thresholds, expanding the lines -
The hands that once helped you - restrained to confines.

Corruption in others chews soul to the bone,
and though there are others, you're always alone,
the mass will not forward, you will not step back,
and solo objection makes feeble attack.

So succumb to torment - the strength of the foe,
their pride has been altered a long time ago.
Inflated, self-centered, conceited - a waste;
Unsolid decisions instantly replaced.

A stretch on the voicebox, committed to dust;
The smiles in this drama are spewed from disgust.
Attraction backfired, amusement in vain -
Enticed to punishment where free will is feigned

A scar on the outside, a bruise on the soul
as jesters and clowning play principal role.
When fear of derangement begins to arise,
then nightmares are woven within bloodshot eyes.




Author notes

Picture Credit: Smile to me Anyhow

I have an intense fear of mainly everything. So whatever comes to mind for you here.

Also a response to Heather - a challenge long due on the picture.

A contest entry

Now you tell me:

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 33 of 33

  • catseye silver member
    September 23
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    Edit | Reply
    This was amazing. I loved the rhyming, story and the sheer genius way you presented it.
    A scar on the outside, a bruise on the soul
    as jesters and clowning play principal role.

    When fear of derangement begins to arise,
    then nightmares are woven within bloodshot eyes

    those would be my favorite lines

  • skilter
    August 15
    Edit | Reply
    well written, good luck!

  • GreenHrtPaleMoon gold member
    July 17
    Edit | Reply
    LOVES IT!!!!!

  • HellRaiser21
    June 17
    Edit | Reply
    Good poem with great use of rhyme.

  • XXVampireeyesXX silver member
    June 13

    Edit | Reply
    this is amazing.. well pictured and intruding every main phobia inside lines... very creative indeed a lot of verbal use too.. I love it!


  • Nam
    June 8

    Edit | Reply
    Very rarely do I love the use of rhyme in a poem (especially my own) but this poem has well-placed unforced rhymes. It's good to read that now and then.

    Excellent poem.

    -Nam

  • celadia
    May 18
    Edit | Reply
    the last stanza is my favorite, don't I know the feeling, congrats on the HM.


  • Redrusty66
    May 14

    Edit | Reply
    Great interpretation of a quite disturbing photo. YOu captured the tense anxiety with artistry. I liked the wordplay and flow/scheme mechanics you employed. Great rythum as well. Thanks for the great read...and disturbing thoughts.

  • RedAquarius
    May 8

    Edit | Reply
    This picture gives me the heebie jeebies. You've crafted a evocative piece, in my opinion. It makes me think of fears and letting them overpower one, which I have certainly done at times.

    . Rewarded 4


  • SomethingSoBeautiful
    May 8

    Edit | Reply
    i love your poem. i can tell that you spent very much time and effort on this. i hope to read more of your poems; i think i would enjoy them very much

  • ferg silver member
    May 8

    Edit | Reply
    From a poetry perspective this is a solid write, good rhythm and unforced rhyme. From a story line perspective after reading this one is inclined to give fear the heave ho and seek higher ground in a place of love. good job on this, and good luck.

    . Rewarded 4


  • Steph-meyer-is-god
    May 8

    Edit | Reply
    A stretch on the voicebox, committed to dust;
    The smiles in this drama are spewed from disgust.
    Attraction backfired, amusement in vain -
    Enticed to punishment where free will is feigned

    If my soul had a face, it would probably be smiling of poetic rejoice (if that makes any sense)
    Good work

    . Rewarded 6


  • mythological-mouse
    May 8

    Edit | Reply
    Disturbing picture, but a very powerful and moving piece. Good job

  • xLostxLoverx
    May 7
    Edit | Reply
    The picture goes with it nicely..and there is so much description..it's really great.


  • andywontdie gold member
    May 5

    Edit | Reply
    Very descriptive and just abstract enough to mental to turning where the mind can extrapolate anything and fears everything. Very nicely done here my friend, thanks for entering and good luck!


  • Puking Faerie Dust gold member
    May 5

    Edit | Reply
    This is pure genious! The flow was perfect, the imagery was so vivid, and the emotion was intense. I can't even pick out a favorite part, and that's rare for me The picture was pretty creepy, in a good way, lol. And it fit the poem perfectly. You better win gold for this

    Jeanette*~


  • Miss Shakespeare
    May 5

    Edit | Reply
    This is so exquisite. You're a master with words.

    And you said that I could ryhme.


  • Naridill
    May 4

    Edit | Reply
    You are a beautiful rhymer - fluent and unforced. It always leaves me wanting more. You ran circles around this image - you penned such imagery and brilliant phrasing. You never leave a challenge dry.

    ♥


  • She Has My Heart
    May 4
    Edit | Reply
    by the way

    HATE the picture lol

  • She Has My Heart
    May 4

    Edit | Reply
    Untruths seems a tad clunky

    and "to morbid demise" sounds like you wanted to say "to a morbid demise" but didn't have enough syllables

    "is invaded" - I would do without the "is"

    "Reflections at rest" - damn that's awesome
    And the next line - I like

    "expanding the lines" hm...the jury's out on that one

    Maybe "restrained and confined" but yeah that's a nice line too

    Maybe "soul through to bone"

    Nice next line

    Good last line of that stanza!

    It's getting better as I read it...though I'm not sure about "has been altered"

    And "unsolid" (what is it with you and "un" words! )

    "Comitted to dust" - I like
    And wow, best line so far

    And overall the best stanza too...

    And a very strong ending. Good job - nice to see some rhyme once in a while

    Good luck in the contest!


    • Never Fall in Love gold member
      May 4

      Edit | Reply
      Damn! You're the toughest critic I know! But that's probably a good thing

      I purposely put the picture there to scare you away lol

  • GreenHrtPaleMoon gold member
    May 2

    Edit | Reply
    I'm glad I got to see this piece in its full glory. You wrote an exceedingly impressive piece here. And now everything makes perfect sense. I have to say WELL done!

  • Melissa Gayle gold member
    May 2

    Edit | Reply
    i just want you to knoe that i read this all the way through, rhyme and all and have realized that you do rhyme well. the lines weren't forced at all and the transition was always smooth.

    as to the content, darkness reigns and that is so okay.

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