Opal shiny, slippery rocks gleam primeval welcome
I melt into their shadows and wait…..
Salty breezes, sea-weed aroma
tantalise the senses with fresh experience
Spray moistens my face as I hear…..
oceans ancient melodies whispering of life
Of first crude boat to majestic ship
first toe dipped in streams to swimming the atlantic
History on sandy beds, golden coins, and bones
wedding rings, leather boots and decaying diaries
Seasons watch with inquisitive, liquid eyes
all that occurs within, without Poseidon’s realm
Centuries of transformation as earth spins on
Continents shifting, waters rolling back
Leviathan extinction, sea bird species deaths
Yet through changing times waves dance and alter
To and fro shapes weave and shall until an ending
Perhaps another beginning for sacred ocean’s motion
Author notes
(viii) Sea Change.
A contest entry
- Write free verse fromsubjects given Winklings & friends # 84 by Lyndon.
3500 points, ended May 27, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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I really enjoyed this write..love the sea, and this was quite hypnotically beautiful.
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Again, I admire your vision...
Here sweeping broadly around and into the realms of your subject.
I love the second stanza particularly!
How knowledge coupled with an imagination alive can deepen our appreciation and therefore love of Being, is what I find here.
Sol
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Very visual, I was right there, on my fave Cornish beach, on the rocks, far out, waves crashing below me. I liked what you said about the wedding rings, added a cretain edge, Mine will be there soon too, in her majestic belly!
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Images are striking, line by line.
Yes, the poem reads well but for sense and progression, I, myself, read it aloud several times to get the fluency one needs to appreciate, fully, this poem.
Sea Change comes through in balanced contrasts:
"Of first crude boat to majestic ship" and through the treatment of change during Geological time:
"Centuries of transformation as earth spins on
Continents shifting, waters rolling back".
I concede willingly that this is a thoughtful poem put together by an intelligent mind.
Thank you for being part of this contest's anthology.
Ron.
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I agree with Pamela
in that Punctuation delivers meaning. Poetry is meant to be read aloud. I found this difficult without your needed punctuation marks, in places.
I do thank you for placing this pleasant poem in our contest. Lyndon of the Winklings.
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I have no idea why you both can't read this without punctuation. The ending of a sentence signifies the beginning of another one.
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Very nicely done and within the contest specs. I would have liked to see more punctuation in this piece to help with the flow when reading. Without it I tripped up some and where you used some punctuation, you probably should be have been consistent throughout.
Perhaps something like:
Opal shiny, slippery rocks gleam primeval welcome.
I melt into their shadows and wait…..
Salty breezes, sea-weed aroma,
tantalize the senses with fresh experience.
Spray moistens my face as I hear…..
ocean’s ancient melodies whispering of life.
Just a suggestion and this may even have thrown off your original intent. I loved your imagery best with to and fro shapes, sacred ocean's motion, first crude boat tp majestic ship.
Wonderful word weaving in those images.
Nice work. Thank you for your entry and best of luck in the judging. ~Pamela
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It's poetry. I use correct punctuation when I'm writing theology essays, in poetry I use Freeform because I don't want to put restraints on it. Where did you trip up?
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See if you like this piece. It has a salty sea flavor
http://allpoetry.com/poem/2164668 -
I guess you were writing from "Sea Change?" I perused the contest a bit to see where you were coming from. I printed a copy of "Sea Change" by Vera Rich to read at a poetry meeting I've begun to attend locally called "Trapped Truth Society". We chip in for a pizza and eat and read our own, or others poems. Her poem wasn'tin the contest here, tho. Liquid eyes- I liked that. But I guess in context, it would have to be ... redundant?
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No it's not redundant because they're not real eyes and I'm talking about season's watching. The eye's everywhere, there's liquid in the atmosphere.
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Made me think of a story in the book 'Tuesdays With Morrie'- get it and read it- about the wave who was afraid that when he crashed on the shore he would be broken, and one of the other waves says "You're not a wave. you're part of the ocean."
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WOW! Georgia,
An awesome write! I love this. It takes the reader back through thousands, even millions, of years of history. Great take on the prompt! Keep the ink flowing and good luck! Love and hugs...
~Donna~
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Wow this was an excelent take on the prompt I could feel your words lapping against my soul light the tides of time lapping against those rocks Awsome write
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