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victim

 

 

 

 

 

self assured sacrifice
splayed across an open altar.

 
a circumstantial suicide,
a ritual
where a lazy moon waits for the sky
and strange angles of light
to cut her away,
 

                        [ slowly ]
 

prolonged indecision
by softly touched grace,
surrendered to dark inches
and the silent knife
that knows no sorrow.
 

 

a point aligned inwards,
down to where all is trimmed
away.

 

 

 

 

 

 

but never the blame -
that lies elsewhere.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think (Critical Honesty Appreciated)

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? • Line numbers
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?) (Line numbers)

Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • marlene47 silver member
    May 4

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    Such strong images you have drawn - the splayed sacrifice, the angles and cutting, indecision, surrender, the unfeeling knife.
    Really liked "down to where all is trimmed away." Blame is elsewhere - that is gripping; well pulled together- here lies the victim and somewhere else lies the blame.
    Congratulations on the silver.
    Marlene

  • CarolDesjarlais silver member
    May 3

    Edit | Reply
    Oh wow..I think I might know who wrote this.. I will be pleased if I am correct. This is pwoerful writing...sacrifice, yes..how much do we trim away before there is nothing of us left. Bravo!

  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    May 3

    Edit | Reply
    ...but never the blame

    This stark and haunting and so well done. I felt very vulnerable after reading this. You have truly pulled emotion from your reader with well chosen words and edges.

    Excellent entry. ~Pamela


  • Suzanne Dia gold member
    May 2

    Edit | Reply


    this aches with the precision
    of a dull scalpel.

    right there, you know >.< right there, is where it aches. Kind of pinches actually.

    But it's skillfully written in order to do so.




  • Ithica silver member
    May 2

    Edit | Reply
    This is sadly moving... there is a quiet angst about never taking responsibility for our actions that carves away the spirit... until there is nothing! Me like it!!!


  • La Tua Cantante
    May 2

    Edit | Reply
    I'm speechless. This is one of my favorite writes I've read in a while. It's so original. I can't say I've read anything really like thing like it. My favorite part is:
    "where a lazy moon waits for the sky
    and strange angles of light
    to cut her away,


    [ slowly ]"
    Breathtakingly beautiful.


  • hollowriver
    May 2
    Edit | Reply
    wow
    this is so...undiscribable
    i love it
  • Dienush Greeters member
    May 2

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, I love the imagery in this. The first line is very expressive. My favorite part was the bit about the lazy moon... wow, so creative.


  • Rowan gold member
    May 2

    Edit | Reply
    Oh, ouch.
    There's such a depth of sadness here, that I wish I could make go away. Self-blame is a much sharper knife.
    You took this prompt to the ultimate of bare bones.

1 - 9 of 9