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Eternity

I held onto your hand

When you slipped through cracks of society

 

I smiled a pained disguise

Concealing the hurt thrown at me, destroying me inside

 

I hid you behind me

When monstrous fears crept forward to ruin you

 

I scribbled out the truth

When your lies became my excuse to keep you

 

You took my life

As you locked your venomed soul with mine for eternity

Author notes

song inspiration: MY IMMORTAL by EVANESCENCE

“When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me”
- “My Immortal” by Evanescence

age: 15


If something is not worth fighting for,
then it is not worth keeping.
-Leena

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • poet2angels gold member
    September 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Great unique piece!
    Ty for entering

    Lynda


  • Errant Panther gold member
    September 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    a rather dark and edgy piece about a love apparently being abandoned, which fits nicely with the sullen style music that evanescence produce. best wishes for the contest.


  • Silver Asylum
    September 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    So Beautiful

    I love this poem. It's absolutely amazing. I almost can't believe you're 15 (or at least wrote it at age 15). The 2nd to last stanza was my favorite. Great write and good luck in the contest, keep on writing..you definitely have talent.
    ~*~Zenity

    ****


  • lowercase prelude gold member
    September 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this was good
    it does fit with the prompt

    i liked your emotional delivery, very good


  • Topaze gold member
    August 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    A very well written piece, thank you for your fine entry in this contest.


  • l33t-n1nj4
    August 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    holy crap.......that was wicked I was kinda so so on it at first but then I saw your insperation was the Evanscence song and it totaly changed my view. very good job


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    July 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like the inhuman based thing of this, it's just paranormal and I love things of the relation I also love the song.


  • Shya
    June 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a unique poem. It reads naturally and is filled with dark emotion. It portrays a strange type of irony.... haunting.


  • Manda Kathryn Greeters member
    June 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hell of a write here
    Beautifully dark and raw, fantastic poem

    ♥
    Thank you & Best of luck
    Stay safe
    ~Manda


  • sassykitty
    May 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    nice use of darker imagery, this really describes the relationship and the emotions behind it effectively. i particularly like the metaphor in the second line. thanks for sharing. great write i did relate to this.

  • Poetryintheblood gold member
    May 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for your lovely entry and song choice, good luck in my contest, Josie


  • hey charlie
    May 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very beautiful. I really love the way this flows. Wish I could say more but... you rock. That's all there is to say about it. Thanks for rocking our contest!!


  • La Tua Cantante
    May 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This really spoke to me. I read it twice, not because I didn't understand it, but because I absolutely loved it. The way that you wrote this is so breath-taking and beautiful. My favorite part is:
    "I scribbled out the truth

    When your lies became my excuse to keep you"

    This is by far the best poem that I have read so far in the contest.

    Thank you for entering our contest.

    -La Tua Cantante


  • checkmate
    May 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    woWEE!!! this is awesome dude!

    I scribbled out the truth
    When your lies became my excuse to keep you

    where do you get these lines- because they are some amazing stuff I love the depth in your piece, your words were simply amazing. I love this song, it's hauntingly beautiful- just like your piece. you've written this so well. hehe and you who used to call us depressed people when we first asked you to join AP hehe XD

    this si totally a winner- yours and appu's. Man! you guys are so good! best of lucks dearie

    MUCH MUCH MUCH LOVIES,
    charu


  • Beauty Of Silence
    May 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    ooh!

    Wee, this is dark! Well, anyways i thought this was very well written with great imagery and powerful emotions! Your words sank deep!

    I love the structure, flow of this poem! Very good! best of luck gal! and thanks for the lil tip today

    AWESOME POEM!

    thanks for the entry! best of luck!

    Much love alwyas,
    Ranji

1 - 15 of 15