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A Dubious Stand

Metered in hypocrisy, our voices

sing of wrong done with empathy and

condone theirs - to mitigate our vices.

 

Timid of judgement, we without values

are unable to take a moral stand.

Metered in hypocrisy, our voices

 

are dissembled confusion as the die are

cast. To the young we lie, with faces bland

condone theirs - to mitigate our vices.

 

 

The family - broken to pieces,

our food and ethics conveniently canned;

metered in hypocrisy, our voices

 

 

unencumbered by conscience, give license

to all desires. Come join the band.

Condone theirs - to mitigate our vices.

 

His lack of responsibility is

difficult, but his manner is grand.

Metered in hypocrisy our voices

condone his - to mitigate our vices.

 

                                        

First impression, how to improve suggections and why. your reasoning, editing welcome.

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Comments


  • james119
    May 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This form is something I haven't looked into yet. I like what I see. (maybe 1 typo in L3 our?)

    The message is lightly put but heavy with meaning on so many levels.
    My favorite lines:
    our food and ethics conveniently canned;
    and
    His lack of responsibility is
    difficult, but his manner is grand.

    I intend to revisit this one.


  • Mari Goes gold member
    May 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Don't think there is anything to improve here.
    I really like how you used the refrains, worked very well, and so did the rhymes.
    Very good Villanelle, one of my favourite forms.

    Mari