If I should die,
and you live on...
I would find you,
lay down upon your bed,
as a weightless apparition,
take a pillow framed by your head
beside my grave.
Yet if I should live,
would I be able to save?
my strength so weak
Or...
if my life rebounded,
fireworks exploded
there would be no one
except for you
or I would implode.
Coming back to life,
up from this nightmare...
my dream for you to share
Somehow this life
or in the next
all I want is for you to be there.
New life given...
colors renewed, smells of wonder,
everything fresh like after a storm
bright
superciliousness gone
Conscience FREE!
Skipping through the clouds
singing eternal songs...
breathing for the first time
beauty unveiled
Hearts finally belong!
Carrying this weight no more
weeping done
complete to soar!
Flying away...
endless galaxies
eternal holiday
No longer bound, chains released...
One together finally
absorbed into you
Lovingly free!
Author notes
Sol...flipped it a bit...I sort of used both prompts, hope you don't mind. Thanks.
A contest entry
- Life and Death - Options by Thoughts-of-Soloman.
1750 points, ended May 27, 15 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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A joy to read! I especially like the last half of this, once you have already 'come back to life'. Uplifting and joyous, lovely imagery and feeling in 'skipping through the clouds, singing eternal songs', and 'no longer bound, chains released'. Also love your last line, 'lovingly free!'.
Well done on a wonderful entry and congrats on the HM.
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Thanks, Lucy! Very thoughtful comment, and I really appreciate your insight!
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Much thanks for your poem. This is my response:
'If I should die' -But you have died... haven't you?
'and you live on' -Who will live on?
'If I should live'
'my strength so weak' - You simply are alive now, like never before, to trust what is and yes, we are all weak and dependent on the strengths ever given to us as needed.
What is true, is surely true now, to be believed in and found, now.
The invitation of the prompt was to 'die' to reflected thought in favour of finding an aliveness in your immediacy. Not a death of consciousness but a death of its 'wrapped-up-ness' in habitual and speculative thought.
'New life given... Now it takes off wonderfully, however I'm not convinced you are truly here, as you could be. Largely I think it's because of the 'if my life...' and 'there would be...' proceeding it all. The 'death' or 'coming alive' was to spit all this out and simply be where you are with what is essentially left. This, in order to find the kind of immediate beauty of life which you have described admirably but as yet only speculatively.
'Carrying this weight...' Don't even mention it here, leave it to drop, just refuse to carry it any longer by giving it back to where it came from.
'One together finally
absorbed into you
Lovingly free!'
I would like to know more of how you hold this 'you', which is so important in your desire to approach it. What is it? A person, a spirit? A departed loved one? I want to hear that it is recognised as that which is already within your own reality, because this is surely the only place where you will truly find this 'loving freedom'.
Such great sentiment and spirit hungry for 'beauty' and life here, I'm sure many will enjoy this. For me though, it reads like there is still a dominance of something refusing to let go in order to completely dive into it, having let go of all the harnessing of pre-existing thought and perhaps habitual thinking. We need to start from being with the ground under our feet, knowing that all which is true and worthwhile is to be found as a beginning- right there. Truth and Light is always present Now, as there is nowhere else for it to be! Dive into 'Now' and nothing real will be left behind.
There are some great descriptions here, pointing towards meanings I feel yet to be plunged into and literally stood-under.
All the best to you my good friend
and good luck with the judging.
Sol
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Note for all partakers: additional indication has been posted on the contest page.
Please feel free to edit your poem, as no comments on judging will take place till the end of the contest.
Many thanks Sol and Chilly.
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left align please beanie... thank you .. Sol forgot to say !! silly arse that he is
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The secret is that the two prompts actually come to exactly the same 'thing'.
I believe this is good... but, I want you to 'die'; so that you can come 'alive' again independent of any other. The 'you' that you refer to must be found in you yourself because that's where it is anyway. Your 'I' and 'you' need to be made more obviously 'one'. So I'm hoping you might consider a little tweaking
Convince me that you've found the independence of freedom, including from any fear in this. After all your already dead but alive like never before, tolerate me... I know you can do it and I badly want to see it!
Good luck with the judging, Sol
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