I heard they left you at the tar-pits
Just another wounded troglodyte
Mother said she had high wishes
For your seed, and why it might
Story was immaculate conception
I guess your blood is wiser than
A box of grapefruit with no sugar
My broken Uncle, and his gin
Because you are the citrus
I am the ivy
I bend as the willow
You snap like an oak tree
You are the salt weed
I am the grape vine of pure misery
You are the citrus
I am the ivy
They said you gave up on the long dance
and that your song had gone a-stray
Now you're selling empty soup cans
and saying everything's okay?
A pack of dogs has found your shadow
that's why you cannot tie your shoes
The fear of no teeth is sheer terror
and why you must protect your muse
Because you are the citrus
I am the ivy
I bend as the willow
You snap like an oak tree
You are the salt weed
I am the grape vine of pure misery
You are the citrus
I am the ivy
Out through the storm waves
Under the new moon
Bled by an old thorn
I wish I could love you.
Author notes
Boogie Street
"O Crown of light, O Darkened one
I never thought we'd meet
You kiss my lips and then it's done
I'm back on Boogie street."
Written December 17th, 2003
In a list
A contest entry
- Christian Lyrics by Mel-the-Believer.
300 points, ended September 18, 2006, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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Holy, cow! That was really well written. I loved it. The chorus was really well written. Great work. Thanks for entering. God Bless!
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Your feelings for this person are expressed throught touching but different word,not words you hear all the time I think it's great.
Brandy3 -
Yeah, you're wrong.
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Good Lord! The comments seem to take away from the work. While the poem was okay, it seems like you've drawn from someone elses work. Not the kind of thing I would do on such a site. Perhaps I'm wrong.
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great
You are very imaginative and detailed. Your use of rhyme was very clever and consistent. Your last lines are very captivating and beautiful. Your word usage is imaginative. I must admit I can not discern a meaning or theme, although I very much enjoyed reading this particular piece of yours. I hope to read more. Please put which topic you chose in your author's notes. Keep up the good work. Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest.
~God Bless You~ -
Love the poem. The title is perfect for the content. I had to double check definitions on a couple of words... my vocab comes and goes. All over, this is a great piece.
~Bezoar -
Insanity will get you everything, but the night cap.
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imaginative
Very expressive; the word usage is imaginative. I must admit, at face value, I can not discern a meaning or theme. However, I'm not a great - discerner? Whatever. I very much enjoy your poetry. I hope to read more. -
intimidated by my own stupidity for reading t
reply encoded in neospeak:
Chin towa moshekavo untrillad inpactonimo
chay lendza moshst sprek tudrali yay poon tablicoo
establicariala moontee sentriablihabay vixtaelios
Wilkensiomo posyerwunsted empairs witilas for cheesedanish at sunrise when help was rekindled from lifeless cold victims awaking from blackout
as words form clear patterns until the point lapses
like pollen to spring sleet in harbors
of confusion, dripping like dega to channeled pure visions.
goojinky bevaitrimoutoovin schmoooskjh ta juh dun resftunst
like mornings in waiting with harlequin staleness ad infinitum you windbag like please shut up now, the only pure thought screaming inside to hours of wondering if this jerk is for real, my god, what an ego like trying to say
that he is the master because he can frill
be thankful the reason
such queers have retired
is when then don't you always seem to get them
those profs with a delusion that they
hold the key
but flounder like pussies when called out as yellow
like current day's standing
a battle of wills
to snuff out the anger and realy
read what theyv'e done
This is a fine poem, by an adverage modern-day poet/dreamer/wish I was?will insult if need be
to get my shit read/loser w/ a tude
and a talent that reaches the commom man's thinking
revel in the absolute ironic comedy of this parody on the poem itself.
This is absolutely the greatest work my eyes have ever had the priveledge of reading, and coming from me that is an honor unsurpassed on this site, for I too am a meglomanic such as yourself...KUDOS Keros Or Oreos with Milk good==++++ 4 stars from one of today's zanniest, and downright good-golly campiest of poets, currently touching all ages of poets with works of his own== DAVE THE PUTZ
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Gold
A very cool way to put togather a peom.Imaginative peom and not very many people our as imaginative as you.I luv your peom keep up the good work. Keep writing songs and you'll go very far in life very far indeed. -
I just can't help it...the willow makes me think of Frost.
I think this should have won.
Katie -
beautiful, beautiful chorus. another haunter.... actually. will i hear this? i see a father, his chaos, his character as snapping oak is so vivid and a son's with the ability to somehow live, grow and bend despite it. stunning even if i'm completely off base.
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Mister...i fail to see how this relates to Bacchus in any way, shape, or form. i dont see chaos, i dont see rending of flesh, i see no wine, or drunken stuppors, i see no lust for life.
i see defeat, defect, and a harsh bitter misery. (emphesized by the citrus) and a destructive suffocation..(your ivy..)
i still like it though
Nyx... -
im baked
im a fan of your work. lets say that. -
You have inspired me to check you out, and you are very imaginative and detailed. I like your chorus, Horus.
Your use of rhyme was very clever and consistent. You write prolifically, your last lines are very captivating and beautiful.
I'm not sucking up to you, and I'm still using spatter.
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Indeed a very imagitive bit of writing. I loved it. The rhyme and metre are absolutely superb in the verse:
They said you gave up on the long dance
and that your song had gone a-stray
Now you're selling empty soup cans
and saying everything's okay?
A pack of dogs has found your shadow
that's why you cannot tie your shoes
The fear of no teeth is sheer terror
and why you must protect your muse
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sweet detail.. im likin it..
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Very imagitive and creative piece here. Enjoyed it. ~Bud~
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