I want you out, go away, please
Leave me alone you're like a disease.
Shut up! Stop talking,
I can't take anymore of your awful squawking.
Come now my friend must you be so mean,
there's no treatment for you, no vaccine.
I'm here to stay,
The way we switch is like a clever ballet.
No please leave me alone,
you and you're disgusting tone.
I've had enough that's it,
this isn't some clever skit!
Oh but it is is you see,
I'll never go, you'll never be free.
I'm here to stay,
forever here until you decay.
A contest entry
- Welcome Home to Bedlumn by CoundessaScarlotti.
450 points, ended May 5, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - personal favorite by Virgoan.
2000 points, ended June 9, 2008, 64 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Personal indeed. I can see more than the mediocrity of this piece.
Simple yet delectable write
Keep sharing your gift.
HENSLEY
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I love this one! You did an excellent job writing of truth and the mind of someone carring this pain...love the split view it works so very well here...perfect ending as well...you are a very strong and deep write and I am glad to have had the pleasure to read your work!
Keep on penning...
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I really loved how you wrote this poem. The ending had such a great twist in it, something that i was not expecting. Well done.
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i love it!!!!
very well written!!!
keep up the good not writing! lol
to all the haters...FUCK YOU!!!
if anyone reasds this and leaves a bad comment i'll fuck u up.... -
This poem has an edgy and dangerous character that endears the reader to it and thrills them. The switch at the end is one of the most clever devices I've ever seen used in a piece, and you executed it with masterful skill. You also used many a clever cliche, as well as spawned a few of your own. My favourite stanza was this: "Come now my friend must you be so mean,
there's no treatment for you, no vaccine.
I'm here to stay,
The way we switch is like a clever ballet."
If what you say about you not being a writer is true, you are certainly turning into an extremely talented one.
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Thanks alot I really appreciate your comments, and yes what I say is true, I never write, and thank you. You're an extremely talented writer as well, and its a pleasure/honor to have you read my stuff
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Well expressed, I can feel the frustration here. Good luck in the contest.
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its an amazing piece... i have been single for two months and the guy still lurks around wen i tell him i dont own him... the poem kinda expresses it u and ur're disgusting tone absolutely love it
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It's an excellant example of what I'm looking for, but I think you might have confused schitzophrenia with multiple personality disorder. Other than that it's a wonderful poece.
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*hugs* What an emotional write and so many parts of this are just....wow! First off, I hate rhyming poems that don't have the same beats per line and this is the first poem I like where it's not that way. And the back and forth conversation works well with the idea of schizophrenia. A deep write and very emotional. A sad ending, but you have much talent as a poet.
Miley -
Thats excellent. a spot on account of the terrible effects of schiophrenia. a brilliant write x
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Yet another awesome write.
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me liked!!!!!
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thats really good i like the last line.
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