Turmoil in the marrow of my bones
something that boils,
and eventually rises to the surface
buoyant at last in my thoughts
Pushing it away, yet eager for it at the same time
I want to embrace it, stroke it tenderly
but the thought of it arises such a defiance inside
That immediatley I find myself upon something else
Walking by myself, in a cold alley way
drunk on red wine mixed with salty tears
My worst fear has become reality
And with a cry so hollow yet so profound
I shout my lost feeling to the world
To be alone in the full meaning of the word,
to be around so many people,
yet feeling so cast out and having no one to confide in
to shrivel slowly inside myself
and to watch everyone else smile and hold hands
Invited into a room to stare at more crowds
I'd hold my blank view always
and being joyous with white teeth shining
Displaying how decent I am to the people around me
While inside my nails are scratching and tearing
begging for something soft and warm to hold onto
Someone to listen in depth and truly understand
To calm the fears that have become so unruly and true!
treading softly, alone, down the same dark alley
and staring at the lonely stars that shine so bright
that i think they're smiling at me, just for me,
and for just a second I think that I'm not alone
but then the substance reveals itself again
and I know, that this won't change any time soon
and that forever now I'll only have myself
and my turmoiled thoughts will put me to sleep,
and never a warm face with love in it's eyes.
Honorable mention
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