We aren't speaking again at some hole in the wall dive
My eyes burn like hell, and I'm out of cigarettes.
I can see through everyone, but the stale coffee;
As my hair falls out in clumps all through breakfast.
If there was a jukebox, I would not low kick it
Out of bed, out of mind, and out of moments.
When you took my hand, I gave you them both,
But your prayers are listless and self-centered.
Your prayers are listless and completely self-centered.
I even bet that we'll end up doing lunch here again
On some other day, I won't care to remember.
Finding you, to me, was like a 3rd-degree-grease-burn
Sometimes, I wish I was as senseless as you try to be.
Heading back to those silos, and their gold bloody shucks
I can hear a tractor that needs an oil change real bad.
If by chance you purposely wake me before reveille
I hope you choke dead on that horn and die a winded mute.
Your music was my dream; Better left nightmare.
Author notes
Written December 17th, 2003
In a list
A contest entry
- Randomness by AddictingAccident.
302 points, ended May 9, 2006, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 34 of 34
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I will never forget this... I will never be able to get over this poem. You get at people, man, you get at them sharp
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A pleasure, as always
I haven't been around much lately, but it's always nice to know that when I do decide to kill some time and browse, there are genuinely fresh, unique and talented writers like you to count on. Sometimes a girl doesn't feel like sifting through the teenage angst cutting sh--stuff that predominates, she just wants some soul food. Your ability to shine a light on natural human foibles and make them fascinating is exceptional. Thanks again.
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I absolutly loved this poem from the moment I began reading it. Loved the attitude and feel of the poem as well as theflow. Great write <3
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This poem is a bit on the odd side...especially for this type of contest. Having that been said, I still like it. Your attitude towards life is so relentless, I can't help but praise you for it. Nice job.
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nicely done, a good write from a good author. Good luck in the contest.
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I love the flow of this...I have nothing more to say, other than: WOW.
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Very nice poem. It flows well, it has depth and it is dark. It's a bit painful to read, actually, just because it is...well, a bit unsual in the way it is dark, for me anyway. My favourite part (yes, I have to have one) is:
Finding you, to me, was like a 3rd-degree-grease-burn
Sometimes, I wish I was as senseless as you try to be.
Ouch. And this is from someone who is known for burning herself on various ovens and in various places when cooking. Good job
It's a very powerful read.
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awesome poem...i loved it and good luck in my contest
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this is emotional and bueatiful and i love it and its very..... very different
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is that what u are calling your self now adays! funny is that a mirrored image, look like one! are u nude as well, hmm u look as if u are a porn star! and what kind of magic do u work! last night i had this trip out dream, i was in this room, he wanted me to do my magic, because of who i am, and i couldn't do it, some one was in the room with me, in an all black cloak and was trying to block me, to bad, i awoke today only to remember, a past life, with him, and i take it he still is pissed! i am a natural!
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Now, now. Alienated and disaffected isn't all that hip any more.
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Yeah, I also said "smoke my dick", but you don't see any volunteers.
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Excellent
This relationship sounds dire...I enjoyed the way you used words here to establish a "I don't care attitude", when in fact the underlying current screams that you do. The title drew me in to a feeling that two great personalities were "Warlocked"..each striving for seperation. I am probably reading all the wrong signals here, but I did enjoy giving my mind free reign
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extremely captivated. the picture and the story-like flow of the poem really caught my attention. you did a wonderful job with the way that you threw out at the reader all of the thoughts and expressionative details. i was honestly awed by this poem. it was very, very good. the title oddly, but interestingly fit the poem well. all around, you did a very beautiful and haunting job with this. inspiration comes from within and you must be a delicate. imaginative soul. Love.
-Josie -
not bad
Your cheering section is all over the place on this one. I have to report that it isn't bad, although you did say "I wish I was" up there somewhere. Not bad. -
Wow, This is beautiful write ..full of emotions..Im not sure what behind them but sure this is great piece of art..I like your style..I like the repetition..it made your piece even stronger..my favorite lines were:
When you took my hand, I gave you them both,
But your prayers are listless and self-centered.
Your prayers are listless and completely self-centered.
great job my friend and good luck in the contest
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Hmmm. Being an old bat of over sixty years (and an American one at that!), I'm certain I'm missing out on a number of metaphors that will pull all of this together for me.
None the less, the ones I did pick out were pithy, powerful, and got right to the point. I like that in a poem, and I like the way you used the metaphors to make short, sharp, boxing jabs with your words.
Now if only I could pull it all togehter... -
yes, and im going to assume they're private. but,
you forgot the second part of my question.
N... -
I have my reasons.
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why warlocks?
do you kno what the old traditional word means? (in old scottish)
lovingly.
N... -
good
I like this.... it was really good.. -
Certainly.
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I would have to say that I like your bluntness. I'd like know the whole story
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Awesome
Generally, I dont' like poetry that uses alot of profane language, but I like the colorful way you used it in your piece! It's a way of writing that reminds me of some of the random mess in my head through the day, cuz believe me, I'm not one of those poets who thinks in poetic form all day and all night, hell, its hard enough to get it right when I sit down and write. Anyway, thank you for showing me that it's ok to be brave and write with the colorful language I use so often during the day! Awesome write! -
Powerful as the first poem you submitted, I just have to love this for the emotion it presents. Good luck.
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a Dark almost humourous write.. at least to me.. I love that line about giving both your hands to her.. when she asked for one. Must be some kind of love/hate relationship though as they seem to continue meeting, and even expect to meet again some time inthe future.. fascinating when you think how we repeat the patterns in our life so often without even realising,.
A good write!
Sephiroth Hi No Tenshi -
Cool. I sense a lot of personal touches in here.
"Sometimes, I wish I was as senseless as you try to be." What a damn great line. I think somebody said that to me before... but not in such an eloquent way.
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The resentment shows so easily through this write ,some people do make you burn with a malice that is hard to control.
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wow, I may have to go read more of your work now, this is excelent i swear. The way you express things is so different its just.. so.. so.. idk how to explain it. this is wonderful! How do you come up with this stuff?? You must have a beautiful mind i swear!
~squeekers, lord of the underworld squirrels~ -
Excellent poem and nicely written. However it did not contain the requirements for this contest therefore will not be displayed in the results.
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Just wondering why you posted this poem in this contest and why no one else has said anything about it.
Maureen -
Finding you, to me, was like a 3rd-degree-grease burn
Sometimes, I wish I was as senseless as you try to be.
The bitterness is just biting in this.
I love biting. Very powerfull words, this is good stuff.
-jane
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I like the gritty down to earth tone of this. Some great metaphors without 'flowers' and 'fluff' .. the tone of resentment, and disgust is clear and well carried, and great title.
Nicely done.
~~whims -
I like this... the voice is strong, consistent and the anger towards this ex-lover is definately expressed in a very unique way. I like the "real feel" of this.
Nicely done, I look forward to reading more of your poetry.
Enjoyed this,
~ Wendy
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