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Time and Walking to Futility

-- Time:
The alley I walk does seem terribly long
the inevitable consequence dire
too great and too small feels the bit I'm allowed
before the sad flesh starts to tire

-- Walking to Futility:
Echoing footsteps much greater than mine
coming down from the hallway before
diminish what faint steps MY feet may define
making nary a dent on the floor

Author notes

These are two prewrites I'm entering into a contest. I wrote them almost 3 months apart from each other, but I've always felt they were connected like the contest describes. I put them in the opposite order I wrote them because it feels better to me that way.

A contest entry

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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    May 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I was about to say, in potted form, what Vera said, about their not being celebratory in character. I certainly get the connection, and I like them, I must say; despite that, though I am not convinced by your use of the word "nary" here. It's a wee bit too archaic for your voice.

  • Vera Rich
    May 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for entering... However, you do seem rather to have missed the point that this was a celebration competition - and so specified that there should be "no gloom or doom". I cannot find anything joyful or celebratory in these pieces... Accordingly, I do not feel I can give you your "glass of virtual champagne" (50 points) for submitting a valid entry. However, since this is a celebratory competition, you had better have a "glass of virtual fruit-juice" - 25 points plus of course your 25 point bonus for entering prewritten material.

    Likewise, the rules asked for the information in the "Author's notes" box to be kept to a minimum. It was necessary to say that the pieces were prewritten - (that information was needed for the allotting of bonus points) - but the fact that they were written three months apart is not in the least relevant and should not have been mentioned! And please do watch your grammar - you need "as", not "like" in your note, since it is followed by a verb.

    • LoZfan03
      May 2, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Sorry about the oversight, and thank you for taking the time to give them a look anyway.