You thought it was funny
To adjust what I had written
On the blackboard.
I heard a word from beside me.
I shouted it.
I realised what I said.
Laughter. One-nil.
You talked to me
The next time I wrote
On the board.
You convinced me
To write something else.
Something blander.
One all, you think?
I'd been planning
On writing that
All along.
Two-nil, own goal.
Seeing you again
Complaining about those
You were talking to.
You didn't realise
That they were included
In your generalisations.
Why do I need a striker
When you keep scoring
In your own open goal?
A contest entry
- Wit-torical Hatred by Minstrel Knight.
300 points, ended June 8, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Hateful enough?
Comments
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Haha, this is great. I love the concept of the own goal, can't help snickering when I see them in matches (except when it's my own team, of course. *frown* ) - it's a simple mistake, but oh such a horrible one. You've conveyed that pretty well, I think, using simple language, short and punctuated lines and I like the sort of despairing resignation (though likely it's just my own warped interpretation) tone in the last stanza. It seems to suggest that the speaker isn't just hateful, but also bored into weary contempt. Hah!
Great work!
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Weary contempt - good phrase. Also accurate.
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Unusual
This is quite unusual. It seems to me as if you are trying to compare what your inner-self has to say about that of which you write. Often-times it is well to listen to our inner-selves. There is a lot we should find out about ourselves. when we reread what we have written and listen to that inner voice we are sometimes able to revise it for the better. I found this interesting reading and thought you did a fine job of it.
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