With rigor mortis smiles upon their faces, phantoms caressing living playthings,
Diseased hands passing through the souls of the living, chilled and corrupted.
Rotted are the vile fruits of delirium, picked and consumed from plague seared minds,
Sustaining shrivelled hearts of deepest misery, leeches sucking but never engorged.
Warm candles of living flesh! drawing like moths deaths bastard offspring ever closer,
Seeking to grasp long denied comforts of carnality, eyeless to such vain futility.
Like ragged clouds driven by an ill wind, restlessly drifting, afire with insane envy.
What is their pleasure but to play? To torment and feed upon those who still breathe.
We fill the playground of the dead!
Author notes
This was interesting to write, partly because I am not used to such dark material. However, I wanted to try and use the title for something a little different..
I would welcome any feedback as this is different to my usual style.
In a list
A contest entry
- Make.It.Interesting.♥ [OPTIONS] by ShotgunSherri--.
750 points, ended May 3, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Darkness.....whatever...as dark as you can make it PW allowed by XXxXBassMeisterxXxX.
366 points, ended July 2, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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this is excellent. really paints a dark and disturbing picture. great work especially since you are not used to writing in this style.
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Different, and I like it! The demented frenzy of this piece is exhilarating... well done!
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My first impresion upon reading the title is what is this gong to be.You are right it is differant but in a good way.I lke it.The title suits the words.For someone just starting out writing on a subject such as it is you could not tell it.It really is quite good.I also lke your choice of backrond.You shold be proud of this you did a great job.
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well done
you did well with all the wording without it somehow becoming too wordy. good imagery as well.
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I really like the imagery within the poem and the descriptiveness
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wow...that was creepy..and i was just talking w/ someone today and we were about to stop by a graveyard..and i mentioned grave digger and the career choice..but yeah..ur poem reminded me of my conversation..nice piece btw..wonderful word choice
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Chilling
"Things that go bump in the night" very descriptive. I found the FINAL line in this tale very fitting. Great job. Thanks, Boog
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Very descriptive and the imagery in this piece is very strong. The ending is very dark and cold: 'We fill the playground of the dead.'
~airy~ -
Well, I think I am in love with this piece
my favorite genre
well done, gave me the chills, which is something not happing very often
it happens very rarely (unfortunately, heh)
See you in the borderland of sanity
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Thank you, its nice that this piece has chilled another person... Maybe I sould write more dark stuff. My other dark writes include 'Masie may' and 'Death's Garden' which although not as wordy, are ones that I like. ty for taking the time to review this.
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It speaks to me. The imagery displayed within this piece is very strong. The darkness seeps out of it, from the beginning to the end. And the ending is cold: 'We fill the playgorund of the dead.' That is such a final line. It wasn't the traditional dark I want to kill myself write the world sucks write. It was just so fulfilling for my mood.
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Playground is not the most cheerful write, but it reflected how I was feeling at the time - rather low... ty for your comment
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I can see the inrtriguing immagery which shows the stronerst impact here..bringing the meaning of the each line..well done..
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I like it. It speaks to me. The imagery displayed within this piece is very strong. The darkness seeps out of it, from the beginning to the end. And the ending is cold: 'We fill the playgorund of the dead.' That is such a final line. Keep writing, this shows talent.
All the best
Wayne Leon
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mmm I love reading and writing on the dark side! For someone who claims not to write dark often you have done a wonderful job, I am happy to walk on the dark side with you any time! You take the reader to a scary place, just awesome, thank you!
C xx
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TY
Ty so much, It was fun and I appreciate your feedback. There are sure to be more dark writes when the mood takes me. -
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I look forward to them
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i love it. painting a dirty and dead picture in my mind.
the words are fun as well, wich is some think i like...
alot.
great write,
KNIGHT TIME
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With rigor mortis smiles upon their faces, phantoms caressing living playthings,
Diseased hands passing through the souls of the living, chilled and corrupted.
What an image. This gave me a chill and perhaps a nightmare later. Thank you! Having grown jaded over the years, this one set me on edge -- a very difficult thing to do. Well done.
CaliOkie
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Thanks
Thank you for your kind comments. I had hoped that the words would have such an effect and am pleased to have written it. I've only really been writing poetry for about 3 months, and any encouragement is well appreciated.
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This was, just wow, if this isn't your normal style, your normal stuff must be even more just fantastical
(I will look
'With rigor mortis smiles upon their faces, phantoms caressing living playthings,
Diseased hands passing through the souls of the living, chilled and corrupted.'
Those first two lines particularly, are just amazing, I'm saying that a lot, but it's true [=
♥
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i love it
well written
great imagery
thankyou for entering.
x.x.x.
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