He says: "Let's spice up the relationship.
I'm bored with just seeing you
In the dark. Let's take it up a bit."
He smirks when he says Take It Up.
I don't say anything, because I can't.
I'm tired too, of how we're so
static, and nothing changes. Ever.
He makes a crazy suggestion; I refuse.
He says: "I'm feeling kinky."
"Let's do it now, right here.
In the street. You against the wall -
Now that'd be real fucking."
I say nothing, because I won't.
I never do, actually. Speak
That is. I just pretend that I'm sick
Or stressed. Or tired. Passively defiant.
See; he's fast cars and fast women, or so he
Repeatedly tells me, as if boasting he's Happier Than Me.
I wish instead he'd pick me up from work one day,
And tell me he's Happier With Me.
Real fucking. I can see him getting bored with
Streetsex. Should I pen in my schedule, "Real Fucking
With Boyfriend: New Idea"? Should I consult online depositories
And erotic manuals, in search of spicy copulation techniques? Maybe.
But then, without knowing why, I say: "Boyfriend.
My love. I'm tired of spices and walls. Let's try something new:
We're over, I'm leaving.
That I'd ever agree to another afternoon with you?
Now that'd be fucking real."
Author notes
Something different, but I wanted to try different genres, sort of, for a change.
A contest entry
- Wit-torical Hatred by Demon of the Fall.
300 points, ended June 8, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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This is great - reminded me of a Murakami novel at the start. Particularly like the 5th and 6th stanzas
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Thanks for the comment! Though the comparison to Murakami was unexpected. Then again, I've only read some of his work, and mostly just short stories.
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poetry noir
great fourth Paragraph as it acts as a fulcrum for the whole story
Like cresting a hill, then the anticipation the next paragraphs will serve justice
and yes - you served well as Judge
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Very interesting and very in the mind. I like how all of this were like thoughts, passing through someones mind. It was different.
I like it
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Thanks! Glad you liked it <3
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Cute. I love the angry wit. > good job.
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Thanks for the comment! Returned the favour, as usual. <3
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I like this! The language is perfect! Sharp, witting, a lot of rhetorical jabs. Very nice!! Love the ending! Love the personality you paint of the woman!
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Thank you! I like her personality too. *sigh* Now if only I can get an opportunity to say something like that in real life...
Returned the favour. <3
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Awe-fucking-some!
I love the concept of this poem. The structure is sound, and I see no spelling mistakes. The vulgarity makes it more realistic - it's not swearing, it's using it for the correct activity. The punchline is awesome.
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LOL at your response. Glad you like the punchline <3 I think the whole poem needs more work and more simplicity to help make the twist more effective though.
Returned the favour!
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I love this!
I think the vulgarity adds a big punch to the lines and makes it all the more brilliant.
I'm in love with the imagery and the raw emotions.
Good luck in the contest <3
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Thanks for the comment! I was hoping the little bit of cussing wouldn't seem gratuitous. Glad you liked it.
Off to return the favour now!
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