i think i should tell you
i'm not even looking
not anymore
not even seeing
your aloneness
your struggle hard
your standing up
i should let you know
i don't even try
not anymore
not even faking
my happy happy
my who, him?
my oh i don't care
i should probably say
i'm instead
always now
not ever happy
without you
Author notes
this was written quick
and different
so, what is it?
A contest entry
- What Do You Want? by violetrose.
630 points, ended May 15, 2008, 37 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
I like it! This is my favorite part "not even faking
my happy happy
my who, him?"
It is sad though but sad makes some good poetry sometimes!
-
I really like the flow of this piece. I especially like your repeated use of the line "not anymore" and the way you had one stanza with three "your"s and one stanza with three "my"s...that parallelism is subtle but really effective. My favorite part is definitely
not even faking
my happy happy
my who, him?
my oh i don't care
The emotion behind this piece feels really familiar but is displayed in a new and different way. Bravo! -
i like it. =]
it is different indeed but different is good.
and this is good.
good luck. =]
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