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Cool Breezes in a Summer Night

One long cool night I adored
. . .longed for

It had been entirely too long since I'd had one before

The type with yellow lightning bugs
. . .caught in a jar

As we neighborhood kids tried to catch just one more

Those summer nights where the moon is bright
. . .almost yellow

A long night since none of us had school tomorrow

We could all camp out under the stars
. . .making smores

Hoping not one of us would be the type that snores

Sleeping under the night sky, a long blanket
. . .speckled with stars

We would talk about any and everything. . . even mars

Hopefully our little brothers wouldn't come
. . .but if they did...

We would tell haunted stories to scare them to bed

Then. . .carry on until dawn


A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Commodore Rouge
    October 13, 2008

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    Awww, though I may still be young, you bring back all my memories of when I was a little kid and that's what I'd spend my summer nights doing! Fireflies are so cute. Your words are so vivid, and though those moments are back in my mind and not very bright, they become clearer while reading this! I love it when poets use their work to bring things alive from inside.


  • Blue Skies and Pain
    May 31, 2008

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    saweeeeeeeeeeet ... maybe u noticed this thing took GOLD.......... thats awesome... and its an awesome poem...

    its got a childlike innocence too it.. which is good.. cuz it fits..

    fun to read.. just makes u feel happy at the end


  • background music
    May 9, 2008

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    Some great childhood memories to look back on! You have drawn the reader in and made them feel like they were there with you camping to. The rhyme in this was so subtle and unforced... infact the whole piece just had natural flow to it. I liked it a lot


  • going nowhere
    May 7, 2008

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    oh... wow... you have written so many that i feel i am a part of... unbeleivable! camping is so much fun... my dad alwyas said it brings the family closer together as we laid like sardines in our tent.
    the only difference is that the boys would tell those stories to scare the girls, esp. me... for some reason, i startle easy and everyone but me thinks it's funny. haha... im used to it, though. thank goodness for them i'm a good sport!

    but just lying under the stars on a clear night... breathing in that fresh mountain air while we talk.
    wanting to hike at night when the moon could light the path so easily, but not daring to move far from the campsite... haha.

    oh... and there is ALWAYS someone who snores... oh... guess you might not want to go campling with my family and group now... hmmm... pretend i didn't tell you about the snoring.

    anyway... you probably can tell i liked this one.
    i liked how you set it up with the pauses and dots... (i like those too, you can tell...)

    i hardly noticed the rhyme until i read it through a second time.

    write another one!


  • Amaranth Dihdzere
    May 1, 2008

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    Wondeful

    I love the storytelling of this poem and how you put it all together!it was very descriptive and I felt i was right there making smores!
    very well done and thank you for entering

1 - 6 of 6