What leapt from the palette of the beast
remained the frog of bondage
in a cage we never realize -
we never see the links with our real eyes.
Merely watching as it spinned and whirled -
vomiting my focus on the world;
or at least the part that I loved.
I simply failed to love.
I failed to love.
I failed to appreciate.
I failed to know
I failed
the trinity -- the holy trinity,
of mind, soul and body
each a thin layer
of tin-foil;
fused together with static electricity, its
minute and subtle simplicity
thrown in the dryer of life
with the golf ball of lust, and love and someday a wife.
Someday is some day some
random day too close to the day
when God remembers the cling free sheet.
And that love
that lust
that life we must
loan some to the lonesome that
follow the beaten path.
The same path as that
path that has beaten you,
but you are now more than ever
metaphysically wrinkle-free.
Author notes
Answering my own question on the 'texture of the soul' - relating it to tin-foil.
In a list
All I can say is that I hope you like it...
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
-
Wonderful
A very creative and well crafted poem. So well expressed. Thank you for sharing
-
Your style has changed a bit, honey. In a good way though... like, growing... Maybe you failed to love and appreciate and know, but darling, you never fail to amaze. Not only me, but it looks like everyone else that stumbles upon your works of art as well.
Missing you...
-
Now this is a marvelous poem ...
but you have one major flaw. You switch tenses here and there when you should have only one tense. You start with past in lines 1 and 2, switch to present in line 3 and so on. That sets up a major weakness in the poem which would get it file-thirteened by most editors (at least the reputable ones).
That would be a big shame since this is very good and very well written.
-
This is a fascinating and intriguing write. I loved the words you chose to portray your point/emotion/release.
Truly an awesome poem.
-
I love how you mix complex, beautiful images such as
"Merely watching as it spinned and whirled -
vomiting my focus on the world;
or at least the part that I loved.
I simply failed to love.
I failed to love.
I failed to appreciate.
I failed to know
I failed
the trinity -- the holy trinity,
of mind, soul and body"
with seemingly random (at first) comparisions and objects like golf balls and tin foil. It's almost as if you're reinventing the metaphor into an almost cartoon sort of motion...so much texture juxtiposed with sparse beauty...
It made me laugh the first time.
The second time, I looked deeper...and saw the connections. Our culture, our soicety, our world, all cleverly mixed in with real emotional inquiries.
Clever.
~Hippie
C
-
failing can't happen unless we surrender to it... even while we seem to just watch everything spin and make circles before our eyes...
loved the static electricity and the golf ball of lust... it is really loud when that golf ball is tumbling in the drier... ever notice that?
wonderful use of words that seem to flow into the next... this style reminds me of something, but i can't put my finger on it right now...
everything that we must live through, die through, be reborn into.... everything forms us to be who we were meant to be... making our own texture.
another wonderful write.
-
B-E-A-UTIFUL
Very well done my friend. the resonance and flow are marvelous, the rhythm is sublime. I can see you reading this before a crowd in some smokey coffee house somewhere one night. absolute genius.
-
-
Haha... you honor me. Thank you
-
-
How did you know I had another laundry metaphor in the works? Very well done. The only thing that bothered me was the shifts in point of view from third person, to first, back to third and finally to second. Pick one! lol. Still loved it
-
Sigh... I love this... what deep thought you have put into this! I felt a weariness come over my soul as I read, for the path does beat us down sometimes...
Amazing write
Adding your comment:
1 - 10 of 10
