If I had a single flower for every time I think about you, I could walk forever in my garden.
-Claudia Ghandi
Oh my dearest brother
if you could only stop and smell the roses,
you would notice that there were so many.
{{And all of them were grown from thinking of you.}}
I think of you everyday
and when I look into a guys eyes
I sometimes think of you
and shudder trying my best not to cry.
So many roses in my garden
but they're all colored red,
not for love
but for hate, lies, and love that never was.
The red roses
wreak of incest,
reminding me of you
and the others in my family.
There are some white daises in there too.
Even though you did that horrible thing to me brother,
I still remember the good times,
the times where you kept me alive, kept me sane.
It's like a vicious cycle.
You kill me on the inside
then keep me alive for many years later
and then leave me once again,
Only to remember you
in my garden of red roses
and white daisies.
This is my secret garden,
Full of red roses
and white daisies
that you will never know about.
And you will never know I can see, smell, and taste all of my fears...
Right in that garden,
the garden you helped me grow.
My dearest brother,
I love you, but it's time to let the memories go.
So I'm digging out all the red flowers
that wreak of incest and sin
and scattering them on
both of our graves, to wither away in the wind.
I'll leave the pure white daisies,
and then my brother,
I will show you,
my not so secret garden.
I will show you
the places where the soil was dug up
and tell you what was there
and brother I know by then you will understand the things we did.
And maybe my now clean garden
will help you to weed out your own.
It will help you to know that I have gotten over the past
and with it, my garden has grown.
With more white daisies,
I think of you from day to day.
My garden is growing,
with only good thoughts.
Thank you brother,
for the red roses
that helped my garden grow stronger,
but thank you most of all for the white daises,
The white daisies that kept me alive.
On those horrible nights I wanted to die.
My brother,
those white daisies, they kept me alive.
Author notes
1. If I had a single flower for every time I think about you, I could walk forever in my garden.
-Claudia Ghandi
I gave it a little twist, what can I say??? Sorry if you don't like it.
WOW, I was NOT expecting this to come out at all. Thank you so much for this prompt. I really wasn't expecting that at all. After rereading what I wrote I can't believe I wrote it. I would have never expected something like this to come from my mouth. It's amazing. I must be getting closer to being healed. *crosses fingers* Maybe I'm getting closer to forgiving him. *sighs*
A contest entry
- Options for the creative :] by Lily Skie.
1900 points, ended May 13, 15 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
-
Lot's of emotions written into this one you can tell you dug deep and poured them into words,
Poetry heals keep on penning, as you will find many will relate and understand.
Blessings,
Frozentearz -
Wow, this is powerful and amazing. I really have no words to convey the depth of emotion I sense in this. I really hope that you can be healed, especially that poetry can help you to heal. You are very brave for being able to tell this story. Wonderful.
-
-
Thank you so much. I really had no idea that this poem was going to turn out like it did, but I'm really glad it did!
-
-
girl this was good sad too but good I loved the twists of it.....something kinds different coming from u but it was good loved it
-
Oh I'm so glad I've read this. ^_^ Not only have you created a great poem with a wonderful and creative twist on the prompt, you've come a long way with realisation and healing. :] I'm proud of you. Now, for the critique.
These parts were great:
"I'll leave the pure white daisies,
and then my brother,
I will show you,
my not so secret garden."
Meaningful and touching. I like that you said "my not so secret garden." It added to the poem a lot. :]
"Thank you brother,
for the red roses
that helped my garden grow stronger,"
I like this because throughout the poem you say nothing but bad things about the "red roses", but at the end, you change it around. Nicely done. And I like how you said "my garden grow stronger" instead of "that helped me grow stronger". Less cliche. Great! :]
"Oh my dearest brother
if you could only stop and smell the roses,
you would notice that there were so many."
A great way to open up the poem. It leaves the reader wanting to find out more about these roses. Are they good? Are they bad? What do they symbolise? Great opening.
Okay. So, the poem is fantastic. The meaning is thorough and wonderful. The only thing I have a little problem with is the explaining. I think poetry should be left with a little more mystique so as to let the reader come up with their own view and take on it. For example:
"So many roses in my garden
but they're all colored red,
not for love
but for hate, lies, and love that never was."
Instead of adding the last two lines, you could say:
"So many roses in my garden
but they're all colored red,
A cumbersome hue
Which leaves me troubled..."
Something like that. Leave the reader to come up with his/her own definition of those terrible roses. ;]
However, even with all that, this poem is magnificent. Best of luck in the contest, dear, and thank you so much for entering!!
-Lily♥ -
-
Thank you huni! Yeah you're right that would make the poem better. Oh well! I'm pretty happy with the way it is right now. I'm still in shock that I even wrote it!
<3
-
-
i really like the way you took this prompt, it was really creative. great write and good luck. =]
Adding your comment:
1 - 7 of 7
