I hear your echo drowning out
Lost souls, in mountains of abyss
Pleading for this day, to come to rest
One day you’ll wake and find yourself
Tomorrow is gone, but only for now
For today is a secret, a secret kept so long
But in my heart and in my soul, I’ll find you
But you’ll stay… Forever gone
Searching for you, eternal days long
Nights live forever in uncontrolled solitude
Begging for this search to come to rest
This day I’ll fall and lose myself
But in my heart and in my soul, I’ll stay strong
But you’ll stay… Forever Gone
A contest entry
- Life and Death - Options by Thoughts-of-Soloman.
1750 points, ended May 27, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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For me this reads like a song lyric, which is finely done.
I second the comments which NurseChilly has, as ever, observantly made regarding its place in this particular contest.
'I hear your echo drowning out
Lost souls, in mountains of abyss
Pleading for this day, to come to rest
One day you’ll wake and find yourself'
This has great imagery and is loaded!
Who is this though, that's 'pleading' and will wake one day to find themselves?
If it's you, why have you put your self- somewhere else than where you are?
If it's the personification of your soul... you've said its something else and if it's someone else- then what have they got to do with this anyway?
If it represents your truth or reality then why should it need to find itself? It already is itself.
Actually this 'you' reads like it's a memory, which you were supposed to have died to, if following the given prompt.
I like your write, well done and thanks but this leaves me believing that we are coming from entirely different angles in terms of what was being looked for in this contest.
All the best to you.
Sol
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a short and pretty concise piece, has some intriguing thoughts, but i do feel that you didn't fully grasp the ideals of the contest but you've played around on the edge of it, like dipping your toes in the water, you seemed afraid to swim wholly in the idea of dying and waking and learning anew of life and love and of course beauty...
the existence of life, comes from knowing where beauty lies and love follows it through with every breath before living we must die a little
as the french say.. la petit morte... the little deaths
well done and many thanks for entering
G.x
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Thank you for entering. Remember that this contest is about your own waking and being 'in' the 'finding' for yourself.
If you decide to make any changes, my advice would be to always return to the original 'prompts' on the contest page. Good luck, Sol -
Note for all partakers: additional indication has been posted on the contest page.
Please feel free to edit your poem, as no comments on judging will take place till the end of the contest.
Many thanks Sol and Chilly.
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A sad and poignant poem, Ros
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"I hear your echo drowning out"
I love this line, actually I love every line. The ideas and emotions in this are wonderful. I really enjoyed reading this, it's beautiful.
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