Little bird, why don’t you flee,
I have left the cage’s portal
open for you to cross.
My cage has no iron bars
and my wings are folded,
once I was the Nightingale,
now I am the Emperor.
Here, in this very place
sings my charmer
and she I can’t abandon:
I am seized by her voice
my own silence is my fetter.
That is why I can’t leave my cage
even if the portal is open,
and for all eternity
this will be the entire world for me.
A contest entry
- It must be love, love, love...! by Li snuffles.
500 points, ended May 13, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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wow!... this poem really developed into a story.. it was really beautiful
and for all eternity
this will be the entire world for me.
I lovd those two lines the best.. they really stood out in your whole piece.. how you love her so much and she will be your life..<3
amazing good luck in my contest..xxx -
"portal" Seems awkward in the first stanza, I suggest you change the word.. But, that is just a suggestion.
I like the rest of the poem, you had some really wonderful imagery, but I'm not really sure what you are saying about the "once I was the Nightingale,
now I am the Emperor."
But really you have a wonderful poem here...
keep penning and
Best of luck in your contest
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Hello,
thanks...
The first word would be door, but I didn't like the sound and then I considered that portal may give the idea of something more imposing and could mean that freedom is more than just a step but a form of spiritual transformation. Anyways, I may see if one day I can find a more suitable word.
That line, do you remember the fable of the Chinene Emperor and the Nightingale? That is what I am talking about, so the bird inside the game, who was supposed to be caged to be listen, is now the one that is listening, so he is now the Emperor.
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